I don’t know if this is the worst fight scene in the world. Maybe it’s the best. Maybe you’ll just have to watch it and judge for yourself. One thing I do know, though, is that Bollywood doesn’t disappoint when it comes to making insane movies with crazy-ass stuntwork in them. Maybe someday Hollywood will catch up with the magic of Bollywood, but until then we’ll just have to make do with Youtube clips like this.
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
The original Total Recall, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, may not have top notch acting, top notch story, or revolutionary visuals, but everything it does have- unique setting, gloriously cheesy acting, mutants- gives it lots of character, thusly becoming a well loved classic action film. The remake has top notch visuals, good actors, and fantastic action yet lacks anything unique enough to make me give a damn about it. Total Recall (2012) adds +1 to the pile of Hollywood’s needless remakes.
While everything that made the original film fun and different was stripped away to produce another empty, money-sucking Hollywood vessel, at least the film makers didn’t just create a scene for scene remake. The story lines differed enough to…well, be different, but certainly not better. In Total Recall (2012) Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) searches for his identity after discovering his memory has been wiped and his “wife” (Kate Beckinsale) tries to kill him. It takes place in the future, but stays on Earth rather than getting anyone’s ass to Mars.
Beckinsale and Jessica Biel were great in their action roles. They each pulled off some tough fight sequences, with Beckinsale mostly going up against Farrell in some knock down drag out brawls. The action was frequent and large scale, but I didn’t care about any of it. Farrell did a nice job in his role, but he brought nothing unique or especially likable to the character, though, to be fair, he wasn’t given an interesting character to work with. Oh and the presence of the triple-breasted girl felt forced and out of place.
Start the reactor, Kuato. I grow tired of these remakes.
Time Until Action: ~ 1 minute
Action Rating: 4 Boobs on a Hooker, out of 5. (Remember, this is the ACTION rating, not how much I liked the film. Total Recall had some great action, but the film overall gets a thumbs down.)
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
“It’s Groundhog Day meets Jackie Chan!”
If you’ve never seen Rope A Dope, or Rope A Dope 2, you’re in for a treat! These two fast-paced martial arts short films blend the kung fu comedy antics of Jackie Chan with the time-looping fun of Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day, and the results are nothing short of fantastic. Eric Jacobus and his team definitely know their stuff, so after you’ve checked out the amazeballsness of Rope A Dope 1 & 2, pop over to their Youtube page and check out some of their other videos for experienced tips on stuntwork and martial arts film-making.
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
Hey, folks, Alex here with a shameless plug for my next book- the Geek Handbook 2.0! If you’re a fan of pop culture, laughing, or things in general, you’ll love it and grow to worship it as a new deity! You can find it on Amazon and everywhere fine and not-so-fine books are sold! Need more info? I’ll let the back of the book fill you in the rest of the way:
“An indispensable guide to life, the universe, and everything that’s awesomely geeky, The Geek Handbook 2.0 is packed with even more self-improvement and maintenance tips, lifehacks, and sound advice to help you power up your skills to build a better, faster, stronger you and have fun along the way. Among the things you’ll discover:
-Ways to light your inner fire of creativity, whether you want to learn a new skill, write a novel, or try ham-butting.
-How to conquer school and rule it on a throne of iron and blood, whether you’re in high school, college, or Hogwarts.
-Steps you can take toward crushing your career in your mighty fist.
-Tech-tonic toys and geektastic gadgets.
-Learning everything you need to know about relationships from Mass Effect.
–How to prep for a number of apocalyptic ends to the world.
-The things geeks dream about which don’t involve nudity.
If you’re willing to put in the time to find your Zen and hone your mad skills, The Geek Handbook 2.0 is the Obi-Wan to your Luke Skywalker, helping you build Yourself into Yourself 2.0.”
ORDER NOW AND I WILL HUG YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU IF YOU WANT.
Any movie can be improved by adding…what? I sent this question flying out across the social networksphere, and, as always, everyone had a lot to say on the matter. What’s your pick for an easy way to improve any movie?
Action Flick Chick (@actionchick): Any movie can be improved by adding _____.
Answers on twitter:
AGreatWhiteDope: Tim Thomerson.
BelRand: Cylons/ninjas/@feliciaday/unicorns/cookies
BLTjesus: BACON!
bonniegrrl: add a hot British villain!
BumpFire2012: a kickass female character. Red hair and/or hawt costume worth extra points!
callouscomics: A screaming circa mid-90’s Mel Gibson in a kilt.
CapSteveRogers: Kat.
cheesehead1976: James Horner music
cheetoh_eater: …by adding a “Wu” clip.
CompanyManComic: BACON.
dannyson1: / LAUGHTER
DSB_IV: a gun that shoots shurukens and lightning
Ed_EisSenorNerd: You 😉
eric_stanze: the unexpected.
evildorina: “Bitch!”
agidgetwidget: RT @evildorina: “Bitch!” || BAH HA HA!
geekwithsoul: < a studio that won’t make it 3D
GenDraftComic: // @actionchick
GoKustom: Me.
GoKustom: Just kidding…milk.
Gordylocke: the Wilhelm scream Continue reading
It’s time to brighten up your day with four minutes of utter insanity! This scene from Endhiran is one of the craziest action sequences I’ve ever seen, and if you know one to top it, let me know. Links!
Special thanks to Frank McGregor for bringing this to our attention.
(As always, spoiler alert!)
Everything’s been all fun, flowers, and hand jobs in the last few episodes of The Walking Dead, but funtime’s over in “Spend.” Season five is almost over, so, naturally, The Walking Dead stops playing around, takes off the flowery handjob gloves, and starts being horrifying again.
Before we get into the recap, let’s check in with Dale.
Uh, hey.
What farting situation? You’re the only one ripping it in that dang RV!
Exactly. You’re making me feel uncomfortable, and I’d like to ask that you let out the occasional squeaker, too.
You know what? I think I’m good. See ya’ll later.
Thanks, Dale. Now, onward, to the recap!
As you can probably tell based on him appearing in Dale’s Deeds, Noah bit the big one this time. Or, rather, the big one bit him, since Noah got to go out in one of the most spectacularly gory deaths the show’s ever featured, slowly being ripped apart by a pack of zombies right in front of a traumatized Glen.
It all started as a simple supply run for some kind of high-tech gizmo in a warehouse. Aiden, who was being a good lil puppy now that Glen bonked his nose with newspaper, panics when some walkers appear and keeps shooting a Swat-team zom in body armor, nicking the grenade on the front of his vest and blowing up a chunk of the warehouse. Aiden gets impaled from the force of the explosion, Tara gets a grievous head injury and is saved by Eugene, of all people, when he finally nuts up. Glen and Noah try to save the impaled Aiden, but they need Nicholas’ help and he wimps out hard. Glenn still tried his best, but can’t save Aiden, and the impaled Alexandrian goes out in a bad way, complete with a minute-long shot of him getting his guts ripped out by walkers.
Nicky the Wimp continues his plan of panicking like an idiot during their escape, trapping himself, Glen, and Noah in a revolving door surrounded by zombies and thus bringing to life everyone’s worst nightmare about these things. Glen tries to get Nicky the Wimp to follow his plan of escape, but dude panics again and ditches them when things clear up a bit, causing the revolving doors to shift and Noah to get dragged away. Oh, Walking Dead, will you ever stop killing off characters right as I start to care about them? You’re starting to make it hard to care. Anway, Glen makes it out, cold-cocks Nicky the Wimp, and they join Eugene and an unconscious, bleeding Tara on a very tense ride back to Alexandria.
Meanwhile, Abraham’s been assigned construction, so he goes out to build a wall with some other Alexandrians. As you’d expect, zombies eventually attack, and Abraham seems almost relieved to have a physical foe to deal with instead of his trauma. With a quick “Mother dick” Abraham saves an injured construction worker, goes medieval on some zombie asses, and ends up put in charge of the construction site since he’s the only one who didn’t panic. Deanna’s not too pleased about having another of Rick’s Rebels in a position of power in Alexandria, and worries the natives are losing control of the city.
Remember that kid Carol gave the bone-chilling threat to last episode? Well, he inexplicably comes back to her wanting cookies. Once again, Carol’s scenes are probably the best ones in the episode, since this time we get to see her drop the Stepford act and be really gruff and terse towards the kid. Eventually, in their short time together, Sam lets a few things slip about his home life and the formerly abused housewife figures out that Sam’s pop, Pete the Porch Dick, is abusing his wife, Jessie, and probably Sam. She tells Rick that the only solution is to kill Pete the Porch Dick, showing that she’s still in full Zombie Apocalypse Justice mode, not in Law & Order mode.
Lastly, Preacher Gabriel approaches Deanna looking like Charles Manson and rambles about Satan to her, saying that Rick’s Rebels are bad people and don’t deserve to be in Alexandria. Maggie overhears, and probably starts warming up her Preacher Gabriel Face-Punching muscles, and Deanna thanks him for the information. Deanna doesn’t seem to entirely believe him, but she does looks concerned, and probably won’t be too happy when Glen and co. return next episode to reveal that her son, Aiden, died on a simple supply run.
Likes:
Dislikes:
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
Dale’s Deeds by Alex Langley
In honor of today being Friday the 13th, let’s revisit some of the films the Twitterverse most feared as kids!
After @JLoSH (of http://www.juniorleagueofsuperheroes.com, a webseries worth watching) told our heroine on twitter that “Child’s Play gave me mucho nightmares as a child,” the Action Flick Chick then asked everyone about that.
@actionchick: A topic to sleep on: What movie gave you childhood nightmares?
Recurring theme #3 – scary clowns: Peewee’s Big Adventure, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Poltergeist, and Stephen King’s It! This led to lengthy discussion of why clowns are scary and then veered into clowns vs. mimes. Clowns won in three rounds.
@FyodorFish: Clowns, definitely clowns. Mimes? Mimes are total pushovers. You can hit them upside t/head and they won’t say a word.
@Ciaytee: Pfft. Who’s afraid to side kick a mime in the face? I mean, c’mon. He’ll only pretend to fight back.
Recurring theme #2 – various evil dolls: Child’s Play, Child’s Play 2, Magic, Puppet Master, Trilogy of Terror, and Night Gallery episode “The Doll.”
Recurring theme #1 – so-called kids’ movies. Argue among yourselves as to which ones count.
Single mentions: Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, The Amityville Horror, Bedknobs & Broomsticks, The Birds, Candyman, Carrie, Child’s Play 2, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, A Company of Wolves, Critters, Cujo, The Day After, The Dentist, FernGully, Friday the 13th, The Gate, Ghostbusters, Halloween, Hocus Pocus, Krull, The Legacy, Little Monsters, Logan’s Run, Mary Poppins, Moonwalker, Pearl Harbor, Pinocchio, Puppet Master, Return of the Jedi, Phantasm, Poltergeist II, Robocop, Psycho, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, ‘Salem’s Lot, Star Wars, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Star Wars, Time Bandits, Scamper the Penguin, Rock-a-Doodle, Scream, Tales from the Hood, The Watcher in the Woods, What Dreams May Come, Westworld, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Wiz, The Wizard of Oz.
@greyeyegoddess: Logan’s Run, which was a mistake because we were supposed to see Star Wars
@rohzana2: the second child’s play. In the basement cuz our stairs were like that *shudders*
@pyrosis: ‘The Legacy’ (1978). I was 7 at the time. Made me afraid of fire and white cats.
@comosa: @actionchick Salem’s Lot freaked me, couldn’t sleep for weeks after the scene where the young vampire kind of taps/scratches on the window.
@KermitMash: @actionchick A Company of Wolves. Sneakily watched as a nipper. Couldn’t eat apples for a while & have a fear of mono-brows…..
@wyldride: @actionchick I did once have a nightmare related to the burnt corpses in Star Wars. Somebody didn’t care for Beru and Owen.
@anotheraza: @actionchick Pinocchio. It was the donkeys that did it.
Double mentions: Alien, Aliens, Children of the Corn, The Dark Crystal, Jaws, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Labyrinth, The Neverending Story, Night of the Living Dead, Peewee’s Big Adventure, The Shining, Toy Story.
@ashmeaboutit: weird as it is, Toy Story. i used to have nightmares my toys would come alive and try to kill me.
@jade_kadir: @actionchick Oddly enough, The Neverending Story. The giant wolf thing scared the crap out of me as a little kid.
@droidguy1119: @actionchick The clown Pee-Wee locks his bike to in PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE
@digitaldoily: @actionchick Labyrinth, mostly because I always wanted to send my younger siblings away and it was like hypothetical remorse.
@adamjmonetta: @actionchick The Dark Crystal freaked me out as a kid. Like a Muppet nightmare on a bad acid trip. Still won’t watch it.
@livthedream: @actionchick Dark Crystal Still scares me and im 26 Ex Uk Armed Forces…
Triple mentions: Arachnophobia, Child’s Play, E. T., A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Omen.
@pipboy2010: @actionchick Arachnophobia – to this day I’m still afraid of spiders falling out of my cereal box.
@kevinsgrimm: @actionchick U couldn’t pay me to watch Arachnophobia! Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
Four specific movies received many more mentions than any others.
3rd Place (tie): A pair of Stephen King flicks – It and Pet Sematary.
@ashmeaboutit: @actionchick oh oh, IT and Pet Cemetery scarred me for life also.
@jamieharrington: @actionchick IT! I could hear it through the walls when my parents watched it in the living room. BLECH
@Fadercreep: @actionchick Stephen King’s IT. For weeks.
@anglhededhpster: @actionchick Pet Sematary always gave me nightmares. I just knew the minute i looked at the foot of my bed i’d see the runner dude… woke up to a very loud thunderclap to see my trenchcoat hanging in the closet scared the bejesus outta me….
Tim Curry as scary clown Pennywise in IT!
2nd Place: The Exorcist
@tenindenmark: @actionchick The Exorcist when it came out freaked me out – but I must admit, Pet Cemetary FREAKED me out.
@tinlizzy85: @actionchick the exorcist it still creeps me out
1st Place (named twice as often as 2nd): Poltergeist
@russellmania89: @actionchick Yeah…Poltergeist was a scary one…still freaks me out when I wake and there’s just static on the tv….They’re Back!
@DBMartin: @actionchick Poltergeist gave me daymares lol CAROL ANN!! CAROL ANN!!!
@Shadowbat: @actionchick When I was a kid I watched Poltergeist on TV. The “they’re hear* scene concided with the loud sound of glass smashing. After searching there was nothing broken in my house.
@listerart: @actionchick SEE? Thx to Poltergeist, phobias of A) clowns B) big scary trees C) eating maggot covered chicken – makes you rip yer face off!
Man Overboard director Oliver Robins in younger days with another scary clown.
Other remarks:
@ShebaJo: @actionchick I have always loved scary movies… never had nightmares from them
@garthranzz: @actionchick Never had a nightmare childhood or otherwise but like many Jaws made me afraid of the water. Never learned 2 swim because of it
@Nenad: @actionchick I remember a movie that gave me nightmares, but I do not know the name… It was a Serbian horror movie.
@barrywebber: @actionchick don’t know the name (it was in the 70’s) but it involved a big lava pit and some evil tribe pushing good ones into it. *shiver*
@tinlizzy85: @actionchick actually any movie about demonic possesion creeps me out
@aboynamedart: @actionchick what are romantic comedies, if not the stuff of nightmares?
@actionchick: What movie has invaded your dreams in a good way?
@aboynamedart: @actionchick over/under on Skinemax After Dark joke responses: 30.
@cyberbiota: @actionchick Aliens, believe it or not.
@GeekintheCity: @actionchick Dawn of the Dead. Except in my dreams, it is a sequel where I’m blasting zombies. Dang, what is wrong with me?! 🙂
@russellmania89: @actionchick Good question…haven’t dreamed about a movie in awhile…I know I am dreaming of the opening weekend of Kick Ass.
@VDeshV: @actionchick Boondock Saints and Gossip lol…
@NickRocketLlama: Every zombie movie I watch.
@eyeshine99: @actionchick Boondock, I’d tell ya about it but not sure it’s suitable for small children.
@actionchick: Got so many more answers on which movies caused childhood nightmares than which invade dreams in good way.
@MovieMoxie: @actionchick Interesting, I don’t think I’ve had films invade either nightmares or dreams, although some used to keep me up (always aliens)
@Stugots_Puppet: @actionchick modern problems invades my dreams in a good way, same for wild things.
@russellmania89: @actionchick So many beeped me up as a kid…The Omen, Exorcist, Poltergeist…The Star Wars Trilogy were the only positive movies
@thruthelense: @actionchick Good way – It’s sort of a 3-way tie. Boondock Saints, Serenity and Star Trek. (Yes, clearly I’m not a girly-girl.)
@wyldride: @actionchick Jawbreaker. Now, all my dreams include a power walk scene to the sound of Imperial Teen’s “Yoohoo”. 😉
@actionchick: And which movie scared you most recently?
Movies mentioned: The Blair Witch Project, Carrie, Copycat, Dawn of the Dead, Dog Soldiers, Drag Me to Hell, Elephant, Eraserhead, The Exorcist, From Paris with Love, The Fourth Kind, Ginger Snaps, The Grudge, The Hitcher, Hostel, Idiocracy, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Let the Right One In, Mike’s Audition, The Mist, Night of the Creeps, The Omen, The Orphan, The Others, The Poughkeepsie Tapes, Pandorum, Paranormal Activity, Poltergeist, Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Rose Red, Seed, The Stepfather, The Strangers, Surveillance, Them, The Unborn, The Uninvited, Them!, Twilight. (We’ve left out the obvious joke answers or those that referred more to disgust than fear, like one report of horror over seeing Kathy Bates naked.)
@shepie: dawn of the dead. Waking up 2 have sum random kid in the room freaked me out. esp when the hood is eerily similar 2 my own.
@Trihaly: Twillight!!! Sparkling stalking vampires that brain wash you into believing you’re in love with them? Scary O.o
@kallisti_x: Idiocracy scared me more than any movie I’ve ever seen in my life.
@ThomasSpurlin: I just recently watched THEM!, a ’50s creature feature about mutated ants. It’s actually was VERY unnerving and tense.
Overwhelmingly the most frequently mentioned film was Paranormal Activity.
@thisguyoverhere: sometimes late at night I still am effected from seeing Paranormal Activity last summer.
And yet…
@NephilimFields: People were actually scared by Paranormal Activity?! REALLY?!
“Scary” is subjective. In the immortal words of Cassandra Petersen, a.k.a. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, “Unpleasant dreams…”
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
