JOHN. You know, it seems like you just can’t be a true action hero unless your name is John. That is the MANLIEST of men’s names. Just think about all the action hero characters whose name is John: John Spartan (Demolition Man), Detective John Kimble (Kindergarten Cop), John McClane (Die Hard), John Rambo (Rambo), John Connor (Terminator), and John Matrix (Commando).
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After Hard Ticket to Hawaii turned out to be such a banger, I thought I’d try my hand at another entry from the Triple B (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) collection by Andy Sidaris- Fit to Kill. Surely, this experience would match the magic of Hard Ticket To Hawaii, right?
Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Hyper snakes, death frisbees, exploding toilets, exploding sex dolls, and oh-so much nudity. Hard Ticket to Hawaii has it all.
“3 hots and a cot is the least I owe you.”
Pale Rider (1985), starring Clint Eastwood, comes chock full of old-timey sayings like the one above. The old-timey manspeak is so thick, in fact, you might want to bring a dictionary, or settle in and be ready for the ear puzzle of trying to translate what the hell these old-timey prospectors and gunslingers are talking about.
Cowboys, robberies, and an incredibly historically inaccurate look at the life of Jesse James is what American Outlaws is all about. Strap on yer spurs, you yellow-bellied varmint, and let’s get to moseying!
Bombs and bro butts galore in The Specialist. In this oft-forgotten Stallone film, Sly plays Ray, a a specialist in the category of making big booms. He is able to make unique and untraceable bombs to take out the bad guys (his bombs are “more accurate than guns and with less collateral damage”) sounds good so far. His partner, Ned (James Woods), is also a specialist but his bomb-making skills are a little less special. He’ll blow up bad guys, good guys, innocent little girls, whoever! When May (Sharon Stone) hires Ray to kill the guys who killed her parents, it puts these two ex-partners on a collision course to boomtown.
Never has the expression “Don’t talk to strangers” ever been as true as it is in Tooken, starring Liam Neesons. After some punks kidnap his daughter, the Liam drops the hammer and rules this movie as he kicks ass across Europe.
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Hello, Action Flick Chick here. Would you like to see a movie where everything’s made up and the plot doesn’t matter? A movie filled with action and boobs? Well, now you can! For a limited time only you can see Crank: High Voltage! Continue reading
