Zombieland (2009)

Hell, yeah! Zombieland kicks some serious zombie butt! And made me want to eat some Twinkies to boot. I’ve been pumped about this movie since the first day I heard about it, and it was everything I’d hoped and dreamed for. Finally, we get a movie that isn’t a remake or a sequel! Zombieland is fresh and original, and for a movie about walking, rotting corpses, that says a lot!

Zombieland starts after the zombie apocalypse has hit and there are only a few survivors left. Woody Harrelson does a magnificent job playing Tallahassee, a very crude, simple,hard-ass guy, but he’s a survivor through and through. He’s like a cave man’s stone axe: not very sharp but gets the job done. Jesse Eisenburg portrays Columbus, a very smart, but paranoid, scaredy cat who doesn’t mind hiding instead of being the hero. This is definitely the kind of guy who survives a zombie apocalypse. Emma Stone plays Wichita, a sexy, tough girl who knows how to scam any guy and hold her own in a fight, much like yours truly. Abigail Breslin is Little Rock, Wichita’s 12-year-old little sister who helps her big sis scam everyone and kill zombies. These guys happen to cross paths and team up together out of necessity. Zombieland is like a road trip comedy with zombies attacking them every now and then. The fearsome foursome have a very unique dynamic that makes it all the more hilarious to watch.

In terms of action, Zombieland hit the ground running. It immediately punches you in the face with zombies eating up people and blood squirting everywhere. I was sold after the first frame of zombie action. Plus, the film was friggin’ hilarious. One of the ongoing themes of the movie was the fact that Columbus has a strict set of rules to abide by in order to survive in Zombieland, which everyone should take note on. You can tell the creators have really thought about the zombie apocalypse, because the rules were very sound, such as Cardio: You’ll need to be able to run a long ways or be eaten. The Double Tap: one hit to a zombie is never enough, it’s better to be sure they’re dead with a second hit than get bit. Seatbelts: you never know when you will have to crash your car in order to survive. There are a lot more rules and Zombieland consistently shows you examples of exactly why each of the rules are so important.

You have to see this movie. It’s great in absolutely every aspect, and it’s a total blast start to finish. The actors are all magnificent as their characters. Plus, there’s even a special cameo by a universally beloved actor – so universal that if you don’t love him, then I just don’t know if we can be friends. We’d really have to work on it. I’m not going to spoil just who the friendly face is, but you’ll know it when you see it. The action was awesome at the beginning and the end, but there was quite a lull in the middle, thus the action rating below. However, if I was just rating this film on how well I liked it, well then, it would get a 5 obviously.

Beware, there be some minor spoilers afoot.

Time until action starts: Instantaneou.

Baddies: Zombies!

Best Line: “It’s time to nut up or shut up.”

Best Kill: Columbus is face to face with the thing he is most scared of, something that a lot of people are scared of because they are just freakin’ creepy. He encounters a CLOWN ZOMBIE. You could love zombies and always try to be their friends or hang out with them, but you would still be freaked out about this one. So Columbus freezes and debates what he’s going to do: should he run and hide and thus survive or be a hero, which goes against rule#17: Don’t be a hero. Then, a little Tallahassee logic comes shining through his head. Columbus nuts up, says, “F*** this clown,” then grabs the huge mallet they use for that game in theme parks where you see how hard you can hit the thingy. Columbus knocks the clown zombie down by hitting him in the face with the mallet. Then, abiding by Rule #2: Double Tap, he smashes the clown’s face in. It was a glorious victory against clowns and zombies alike!

Best Explosion: There were no explosions, but it doesn’t matter this time. There was enough other stuff going on.

Action Rating: 3 ½ Zombie Clowns, out of 5

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters

See also
Zombieland Photos: Behind the Scenes
* Set 1
* Set 2 (coming soon)

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!