I cannot express enough how much I’ve loved season three of AMC’s The Walking Dead so far. This first half has been fast paced, brutal, interesting, with an off-the-charts ratio of zombies-to-people! This week’s episode, “Made to Suffer” was the mid-season finale, and was just plain amazing. New characters are introduced, old characters are reunited, and more than a few bodies stack up. It’s going to be torture waiting until February to see what happens next.

Before we get to the recap, let’s check in with Dale.

Well, Action Chick, this is the final, and I mean final straw with that dang raccoon. I spent all day filling up an abandoned limousine with water so I could use it as a makeshift pool to float in and watch Storage Wars, but the second my back was turned that danged beast opened the doors and let all my hard work come flooding out.

(unintelligible raccoon noises)

What’s this? Some fruit? You… you brought me a peace offering?

Well, don’t mind if I do-HEY WHERE’S MY HAT!?

(unintelligible raccoon noises)

COME BACK HERE, YOU!

Thanks for the update, Dale. Now, onward, to the recap!

Here’s what happened:

The show opens with a group of people running through the woods killing walkers. They decide to seek shelter in a building they’ve just come across, bringing along their bitten member. As they enter, we see that this building is the back of the prison. Dum dum dum!

At the prison:
Axel talks with Beth about how old she is and, in the process, loses about 99% of the cool points he’d accumulated with the gang (and the audience). Carol promptly tells him to buzz off, which he interprets as flirting. Carl, Beth, and Hershel hear screaming coming from inside the prison so Carl goes to check it out. He finds the new group, helps them fend off the walkers, and leads them to safety. We learn one of the newcomers is Tyreese, a well-loved character from the Walking Dead Comics, and his ladyfriend is Sasha. The bitten one in their group starts to die, and Tyreese is just about to take care of her when they hear a gate shut and a lock. Carl locked them in a small area so that they can’t go anywhere, protecting his group. Sasha freaks out on them, but Tyreese proves that he’s a decent guy (so far) by agreeing to Carl’s room-renting conditions. Yes, Tyreese, this tactfulness is great and all, but maybe double-tap that dead person before she rises up and eats your face off.

In Woodbury:
After Andrea leaves The Governor’s place, he slides on his crazypants and gets out his zombified daughter for some father/daughter bonding time. When she doesn’t cooperate, he flips his lid and locks her back up. Dude, you need some help.

In holding, Glenn rips off the arm of the walker he killed and pulls out the bones to use as weapons, which basically makes him the MacGyver of the zombie apocalypse. When Merle and his lackey return to take the happy couple to get executed, Maggie uses the MacGyver knife to stab the lackey in the throat. Unfortunately, more lackeys come swarming in and Team Glaggie gets dragged off to be killed, anyway.

Fortunately, The Rescuers (Rick, Oscar, Daryl, and Michonne) sneak inside Woodbury and find Team Glaggie just in time. They toss a few smoke grenades, extract Team Glaggie, and slip out with no-one being the wiser. Everyone makes it to the wall and gets ready to run… everyone, however, except Michonne, who gets that look in her eye and sneaks off to break into The Governor’s apartment. She sets down a chair in front of the door, gets out her sword, and channels pure Batman as she waits for the Governor.

The Governor, however, is busy dealing with the rest of The Rescuers, and sends out every soldier he’s got, except Andrea, who he gives progressively more half-assed excuses to keep her away from her old friends. The Rescuers, now including Team Glaggie, start heading over Woodbury’s wall and into freedom, and Daryl stays behind to provide cover fire, saying, “I’ll be right behind you.” Nooooo! That’s never a good thing to say. During the fight, Rick’s being his usual badass self until mother-freaking pumpkin-chunking Shane shows up, with a beard and a full head of hair, Rick hesitates, giving Shane the chance to kill Oscar, which he takes. Rick slays Shane, again, and then realizes that it was actually just a nameless henchman he’d hallucinated was Shane. It looks like the Governor’s not the only one trying on the crazy pants. Anyway, the surviving Rescuers make it over the wall and wait for Daryl… who never shows up.

Back at the Governor’s place, Michonne hears some noise and investigates, finding his wall o’ zombie heads and his undead daughter. The Governor arrives just in time to plead for his dead daughter’s unlife, but Michonne stabs the zombie chillin’ in the brain and throws down with The Governor in a knock-down, drag-out brawl that wrecks his entire zombie rumpus room. Eventually, Samurai Chonne gets the upper hand and stabs Gov in the eye with a shard of glass. Just as she’s about to finish him off Andrea, Miss I Make All the Wrong Decisions, comes in and saves him, pulling a gun on Michonne. Michonne leaves giving Andrea a chance to look around and assess the situation, seeing the zombie heads and The Governor cradling zombie daughter, and, when Andrea invariably comes to the wrong conclusion again, she gets the heck outta dodge. Later at the medical unit, Andrea questions The Governor about his crazy room, and he spins that silver tongue of his to keep her on his side. Gaahh! Andrea, what are you doing?

Merle reports that the Rescuers made it over the wall, and he’ll go after them in the morning, but The Governor has other plans. He gathers everyone up and makes a speech to Woodbury about how he’s afraid of the terrorists who want what they have. Then he decides to throw Merle under the friggin’ bus and blames him for the whole ordeal, citing his connection to their captive, his brother Daryl. Andrea finally sees one of her group and just stares at him, shocked, while the crowd chants to kill them both. Hoo boy, Woodbury’s in trouble now! They’ve got to face the combined might of the DIXON BROS!

Likes:
• Maggie stabs a dude in the throat with a zombie bone!
• Michonne sitting down and waiting for The Governor.
• Michonne taking out The Governor’s eye.
• Carl being nice enough to save the newcomers, but smart enough to lock them up until they know more about them.
• Andrea finally seeing one of her own people, Daryl. Maybe it will knock some sense into her. (Or, knowing her, maybe not.)
• Maggie finishing off the mortally-wounded Oscar so he doesn’t turn or get left to the people of Woodbury. Quite gentlemanly of her.

Dislikes:
• The show seems to have an African-American dude limit of one. We lose T-Dog (we miss you, buddy!), gain Oscar. Lose Oscar, gain Tyreese. The moment a fourth black guy shows up is the moment we should worry for Tyreese’s safety.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!