JCVD is so pompous the only costar worthy of his time is himself! JCVD plays twins in the action film, but the real scene stealer is the huge knot on JCVD’s forehead. He must’ve hurt himself pretty bad at some point and once you see it, you can’t look away- the knot feeds off of your attention! It grows in strength as you watch it! The knot knows all, sees all! Oh and, in addition to the omni-knot, there there’s some action stuff going on too.
Psst… up here. In the top left corner. I’m JCVD’s knot, and I’m here to tell you about Activia yogurt.
Double Impact is about twin brothers who are separated as infants after their parents are murdered. They reunite 25 years later to get revenge on their parents’ killers. If you can look past the multiple ridiculous looking Van Dammes and the lump on his forehead, the film also features ultra-badass Bolo Yeung as one of the villains. He probably wanted revenge from his last match up with JCVD in Bloodsport, which he definitely gets when he scores a powerful revenge nut shot on him.
Double Impact is a very bad film. I forgot how terrible JCVD was at portraying anyone other than his one usual straight laced, hero character that he always plays, but when he switches to his “brother” who is an edgier, more of a bad boy character (who somehow mysteriously has the same accent despite being raised in a separate part of the Earth), he sucks!
Even though JCVD’s is a poor actor, he certainly can kick some ass, and that’s why I like watching his films. In Double Impact he fights a ton of baddies, does the splits, and even sneaks in a fight against himself. If you want to laugh at bad acting and watch JCVD play with himself, give Double Impact a look!
Time Until Action: ~ 5 minutes.
Baddies: Hong Kong crime lord Raymond Zhang (Philip Chan) and his minions.
Best Line: “Maybe I’m drunk today, tomorrow I’ll be sober, BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A F****T!
Best Kill: One of the baddies had spurs on his boots. He kicked a random dude in a bar and slit his throat wide open with the spur.
Action Rating: 4 All-Seeing Van Damme Forehead Knots, out of 5!
If you aren’t watching Lost Girl, rectify this immediately! Not watching Lost Girl is like missing out on a parade of puppies, kittens, and sloths- an epic event that shouldn’t be missed by anyone.
Showcase’s Lost Girl tells the story of succubus Bo (Anna Silk) who refuses to be molded into the Fae’s rigid societal rules. She quickly forms supportive relationships and sets out on her journey to find out about her past as well as fight for injustice. The good news is that there’s a fourth season in the works, and the bad news is…well, there is no bad news. Syfy announced the new season will premiere January 13, 2014 at 8pm. That’s not very far from now, giving you the perfect amount of time to catch up on the first three seasons.
One of the things I love the most about the show in general is the best friend relationship between Bo and Kenzi (Ksenia Solo). From the start they’ve had a loving, supportive relationship (that doesn’t revolve around only talking about men) that can be hard to find between women on television.
Season 3’s addition of Tamsin (Rachel Skarsten) turned out to be a fantastic choice. She takes the job as Dyson’s (Kris Holden-Ried) partner at the Fae police station, which causes controversy seeing as how she’s a member of the Dark Fae. ooooOOOOOOooooohhh! At first it seems like she’s going to be an annoying thorn in everyone’s side, constantly sabotaging Bo and the Light Fae, but she morphs into an interesting, complex character that adds some intrigue and humor to this season. I hope Tamsin sticks around for a while.
Now you know that the show itself is worthy of watching, so let’s take a look at what the DVD/Blu-ray offers. First of all, it offers the full length, uncut episodes. People who watch Syfy’s version are missing out on some of the more explicit scenes- hubba hubba! The DVD/Blu-ray also has some special features including cast and crew interviews. Only one cast member is interviewed, however, and that’s Kris Holden-Ried. The other interviews are with executive producers, who may not be the face you see every week, but they can tell you a lot more about what’s going on with the show.
The Lost Girl 2012 San Diego Comic Con panel is also featured, as well as a behind the scenes image gallery. These are very nice additions and interesting, but I really would have liked to see a blooper reel. No TV show’s DVD/blu-ray set is complete without one! Still, Lost Girl is an excellent show, one of my favorites, and has only gained momentum as the seasons progress. Check out the DVD/Blu-ray available…pretty much everywhere.
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
(Unsurprisingly, spoilers below!)
Rick believes nobody is ever “Too Far Gone,” but the Governor disagrees… maybe because he’s a crazy-ass monsterpants! The Walking Dead mid-season finale pooped the bed real good, leaving Rick’s Rebels standing in a deep pile of doo-doo. How will they ever clean this up? We won’t know until TWD returns February 9, 2014.
As always, let’s check with Dale before jumping in with the recap.
Well, I can’t say I’m glad to be here, but, if it had to happen, I suppose I went out better than most.
Hershel, you ol’ rascal! How’ve you been?
Not well. Got m’head cut off with a samurai sword.
Seriously?
Yes. It was mighty unpleasant. Still, I kept my dignity intact, much as you did, when the time came.
Hershel what the heck are you talking about?
COME OVER HERE AND GIVE ME A BEARD HUG!
Haha, all right, Dale, you goofy sonofagun. It’s beard hug time. Then it’s Spaghetti Tuesday. After that, well, I think I’m gonna go meet the Lord, ask him how his day’s been.
Thanks for the recap, Dale, and Hershel, we’re all sad to see you at the Afterlife RV, buddy. Anyway, onward, to the recap!
The Gov captures Michonne and Hershel, and feeds his crew all kinds of lies to get them to rally behind him in an attack on Rick’s Rebels. He plans to use Michonne and Hershel as leverage, claiming that he wants to peacefully transfer the custody of the prison to his crew. Michonne’s response: “I’m going to kill you.” That’s right, Michonne, to hell with making peace with The Governor! After all, she knows what really happened in Woodbury. Once Michonne gets done copping a badass ‘tude, Hershel tries to use his epic people skills to get through to the mayor. He’s a master of getting through to people with their guard up, and he sneaks around to the conversational backdoor by pinpointing that one bit of humanity left in the Governor– his dead daughter. Hershel implores Govvey-boy to leave his daughters, and the prison, alone, but, alas, it’s all for not. Govvey-boy is too far gone.
The Gov and his crew show up in a flipping gosh-dang tank, toting guns aplenty. Rick’s Rebels are out numbered and out gunned, and they know it. Rick does the sensible thing by ffering to accept all of them, even Govvey-boy, into the prison and they can all live together. Rick pours his heart out in this speech, and Andrew Lincoln acts his ass off, encapsulating so much of the loss Rick’s felt over these past few seasons, his madness, his rage, and ultimately, his hope for peace. The Gov’s response to this magnificent speech? He slices Hershel’s head off with Michonne’s sword!!! Hershel nooooooo! It breaks my heart to see the most kickass Santa go, but his loss seemed to be the most logical choice out of the cast. He had a great, long run on the show, surviving multiple crazy season finales, viral outbreaks, and an amputation. Now, we can all feel better that Hershel will meet up with Dale in that RV in the sky- they can compare beards and talk about how they’re pretty much the only people on The Walking Dead to make it through with their morality intact.
After Hershel’s beheading, all hell breaks loose. Megan and her mom (whose name escapes me, but I’ll call Brunette Andrea) stay back from the prison to be safe…which doesn’t work out so well. Megan gets bitten and dies, and Brunette Andrea brings her body to the Gov, which makes zero sense but whatever, let’s roll with it. Without missing a beat, The Gov walks up to Megan and shoots her in the head. Then everyone opens fire. Every single person in Rick’s Rebels takes up a gun, even the two girls Carol was prodding to stab their father two seconds after he died. During the fight, these two kiddos murder a couple of living, breathing people to save Tyreese’s big powerful butt. Uh… awesome? Uncomfortable laughter?
A lot of Rick’s Rebels get on the pre-prepared escape bus and drive away, leaving a big chunk of the group behind fighting for their lives. Glenn, still recovering from being sick, is on the bus while Maggie gets left behind. Tyreese and some of the kids run away together. Maggie pairs up with Sasha and Bob. Beth ends up paired with Daryl- after he single handedly takes down the tank and half of the people behind it! Rick and Carl make it out together… although it looks like baby Judith didn’t, judging by the blood-spattered baby carseat she was in not five minutes earlier.
Once again, you may outnumber Rick’s Rebels and have more gun power but they will still come out on top! Only a few of the Gov’s crew is left standing while the zombies approach and overtake the prison. Still, it’s a Pyrrhic victory for our team, with all the dead Hershels, dead babies, and the fact that the prison went to shit.
And where’s the guy behind all of this? The Governor and Rick throw down in a massive fist fight during this shootout, and just as Govvey-boy is about to strangle Rick to death, Michonne appears out of nowhere and and impales him through the chest! Whoo-hoo! Finally! Only…not so finally. She leaves him there, bleeding and gasping, instead of finishing him off. Michonne nooooo you’re better than that! Michonne, of all people, would have double tapped the Gov in a heartbeat, so having her leave him behind feels like a convenient plan for the writers to keep the Gov around longer. In the end, it’s implied that Brunette Andrea shoots the Gov to finish him off, but it doesn’t count until we see a body; she could have been shooting a zombie for all we know. If she’s anything like her predecessor, she probably was shooting a walker. Ugh! I don’t want to see the Gov return. I want him dead. Enough already. KILL THE BASTARD!
All in all, this was a great episode. It was meaty, savory, and will keep us chewing and digesting for a couple of months until the mid-season premiere in February. I don’t know about you, but there’s no way I’m missing what happens next.
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
This week’s The Walking Dead episode “Dead Weight” has perhaps the most apt title of any episode in the series, because, frankly, it’s nothing but dead weight itself. These two Governor-centric episodes have been terrible, and they came at a time when things were getting so good with Rick’s Rebels, who we’ll be getting back to next week in what’ll hopefully be a nail-biter of a mid-season finale. Before we get to recapping this Slowpoke Rodriguez of an episode, let’s check in with Dale.
Action Chick, when they said that a man can’t eat hot dogs for thirty days straight, what they really should’ve said is that a man shouldn’t eat hot dogs for thirty days straight, not if he values his sanity. I believe I’ve slipped into full-blown Hot Dog Madness- I dream of dogs, I see them everywhere I go. Last night I had a lengthy conversation with a man only to discover he was a pack of ballpark franks. There’s only two days left until I beat this thing, so I’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom of my partly exploded RV, take a few packs of dogs in with me, and then wait there for a few days so I can sweat this Hot Dog Madness right out.
Thanks, Dale, and good luck with the Hot Dog Madness! Now, onward, to the recap!
In a time like the end of the world, it’s survival of the fittest and smartest- and Martinez is neither, which is why it’s no surprise to see him become zombie chow. The Gov acts like he’s a changed man just because he protected a family for a little while, so Martinez believes him and lets him join his camp. Uh, Martinez? You watched this guy lead a town into ruin and then gun down over a dozen innocent people, remember? Martinez? No, put down the golf club and listen you idiot! Anyway, shortly after The Gov returns, he smacks Martinez in the head with a golf club and dumps him into a pit of zombies. So, it would seem that all of the dialogue about The Gov being a changed man was a complete waste of freaking time- surprising no one. You know the old saying- a leopard can’t change his spots, and The Gov can’t change his insatiable urge for power and murder.
In a nutshell, this episode put the Gov back in charge of a group of people. He murders a few innocent folks to accelerate his rise through the ranks, and starts a new underwater trophy case of zombies shackled to the bottom of a lake to replace his old creepy trophy case. Oh, and he saves that kid from getting bitten again.I think this group of gullible survivors all need a lesson in “don’t act like a bitch, don’t get bit like a bitch” and Govvy-boy’s the perfect professor. Anywhoo, we end the episode with Govvy-boy skulking around outside Rick’s Rebels’ prison camp, aiming a gun at Michonne’s head. I guess his camp happens to be pretty close by?
“Dead Weight” was another boring episode which barely advanced the story, and I’m glad it’s over. Next episode, however, marks the mid-season finale and looks like it’s going to be painful. It’s been a long while since a beloved character has died, so it seems like we’re due a heartbreak. But who will it be, if any?
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
While Rick’s Rebels have been fighting with a different kind of killer, the Governor found himself a new family and took them on a little road trip. “Live Bait” takes us back to when we last saw the Gov in season three and updates us on his fascinating life since then. And by fascinating, I mean super dull.
But, before we get into the recap, let’s check in with Dale.
Action Chick, my RV’s still busted, and I’m in day twenty-one of the Thirty Day Hot Dog Challenge. They say it can’t be done, that a man can’t eat hot dogs for thirty days straight, but I’m going to prove them wrong no matter how what. It’s not easy, though; there’s only so many ways to eat a hot dog, and I’ve done ’em all. I even tried soaking ’em in pickle juice, which, FYI, is surprisingly disgusting. Plus, I’m low on ketchup, I ran out of chili days ago, and, to top it all off, I fear I’m showing the first signs of Hot Dog Madness- the madness you get from eating too many hot dogs too fast.
What? Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking, hot dog!
No, I will not talk about that! What happened in that hedge maze is between me and that Georgia Bulldogs mascot.
Thanks, Dale! Now, onward, to the recap!
Since the Gov massacred his own people, the two guys who were with him up and left his ass in the middle of the night, which just might be the smartest thing anyone has ever done in the history of the show. Still sad/psychotically enraged, The Gov torches Woodbury and goes out on his own loony way involving growing a shaggy, hobo beard and eating cat food- wet food, not dry food, mind you. That’d be crazy.
During his travels he befriends a family comprised of a tough, but gullible woman, a nice, but gullible woman, a cancer-ridden and gullible older dude and a gullible little girl who reminds The Gov of his own daughter- remember her? The zombified kiddo that Michonne shish-kabobed? We spend a lot of time with this family of goobers, and they do most of the talking since The Gov is still kind of loopy and withdrawn. The whole thing feels a bit forced, not to mention boring. We don’t really learn anything new about The Gov, and the family’s not the most interesting bunch of characters ever to appear. We do get one sweet moment where the little girl draws an eye patch on a chess piece to make it look like the Governor. Aw, that’s nice…wait, nope! Don’t care! He’s still a monster!
Anyway, after The Gov does a couple of favors for the family, including putting down cancer-ridden Dad after he turns, they cling to him like socks right out of a dryer. The group hits the road in The Gov’s ramblin’ gamblin’ motor home… which promptly breaks down, forcing them to hike. Surprising no one, a huge group of walkers shows up and chases the merry would-be family through the woods. We lose sight of Nice Gal and Tough Gal, but The Gov and the young girl fall into a pit with several zombies, and he proceeds to dismember them with an impressive brutality. Ultimately, one of The Gov’s deserters from the beginning of the episode appears, and the episode wraps.
Oh, and partway through all of this, Nice Girl hooks up with The Gov, which begs the question as to why Govvy boy gets more play than anyone else on the show. What’s the deal with that? The more evil someone is, the more they get laid? Anywho, sex questions aside, this episode is as boring as watching paint dry. There is about 30 seconds of cool stuff that happens, but we get very little character development. After all, we already know all about The Governor, and what we get of this new family is pretty superficial, so it all left me wanting hardcore. And, according to the preview, next week’s gonna be another Governor-centric episode, which means that, for the first time, I’m not excited for the next episode. Boo! I don’t want to see him bond with the little girl and deal with his old protégé and a new group of survivors- I want to see him die at the hands (or Katanas) of Rick’s Rebels.
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This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
Dale’s Deeds by Alex Langley @Rocketllama
Freaking holy squirrel brains! The Walking Dead has become exhausting to watch because of all the horrible things that keep happening to Rick’s Rebels. I think it would have been best to end “Internment” with the song “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter: “You had a bad day, the camera don’t lie…” Rick’s Rebels just can’t catch a break; when they get one thing under control another goes off the rails.
Also, I should mention that I forgot to feed you baby birds last week due to Comikaze-related illness, so here’s my ultra-concise recap of last week’s episode: Because of her stint of murdering people who might harm the group, and Tyreese’s clear bloodlust towards whomever gets discovered as the murderer, Rick voted Carol out of the prison. She’s got supplies, she’s got a car, and she’ll survive, but she’s out, both for her own safety and because she can’t be trusted.
Now, before we get into this week’s recap, let’s check in with Dale.
Well, Action Chick, you caught me smack-dab in the middle of my thirty-day hot dog challenge. They say a man can’t eat hot dogs for thirty days, and I aim to prove them wrong. Week one was a delight; hot dogs every day, morning noon and night. I’d throw some eggs on a dog in the morning, some chili on them for lunch, and relax at the end of the day with some ‘chup and ‘stard. You know, the classics. Yes, those were the halcyon days of this hot dog challenge. Now things are starting to feel like work. But I’m gonna persevere, by God! Dale Horvath’s not the man to stop eating when the eating gets tough!
Thanks, Dale. Now, onward, to the recap!
Rick returns to base camp sans Carol, hoping maybe no one would notice her absence, but Maggie immediately gets the info out of him and agrees she would have done the same thing. Rick lets Hershel in on what happened, too, and gets his support… which he’ll probably need once Daryl and Tyreese find out. That bit of gossip got saved for next episode, but I’m betting it’ll stir up a lot of draaaaamaaaaa (jazz fingers).
Inside the sickbay, people are dropping like flies but Hershel’s been staying on top of it- removing their corpses and making sure they don’t come back as zombies. There’s only so many dead people one one-legged old dude can remove in such a short amount of time, though, and he soon falls behind, leading to this viral outbreak to become a walking dead outbreak. Maggie leaves Rick outside to deal with the ever-crumbling fence and charges in to save her hubbie and daddy. Let’s take a moment to reflect on how awesome these two have turned out. Maggie’s always been pretty kickass, and now she’s even more kickass, whether she’s helping Hershel extubate an uncooperative zombie and caps that walker in the head, or just diving through busted windows. And Hershel! He’s like an unstoppable Santa Claus, always there with some comfort or a joke even when everything’s going to hell.
As if one intense situation isn’t enough, TWD throws in another one like a psychotic juggler tossing around razor blade-covered apples. While Hershel and the gang fight inside the sickbay, Rick and Carl fight for their lives at the outskirts of the prison. We’ve all suspected the fence was going to break down at some point, and today was the big day! Rick and Carl are fruitlessly trying to reinforce the fence with logs, but sticks just ain’t enough to hold back the tide of zombies, so they all flood in like rowdy party guests. After some hesitation, Rick and Carl arm up like Rambo and get ready to fight. At this point, Carl has used guns, killed plenty of zombies (and one person), and grown up way too freaking fast. That’s a lot for a kid to handle, which is why season three Carl became a cold-ass little Terminator. Here, however, he’s finally showing that he can handle the responsibilities of trying to make it in this screwd-up world- it feels like the mark of Carl’s real transition into adulthood. You can see it on Rick’s face that he knows it, too. He might’ve wanted his boy to stay innocent for longer, but what’s done is done, and he’s accepted that his kid’s becoming a man. Let’s just hope he doesn’t revert into being a Terminator man.
So, people get shot and bitten (nobody important) before everything gets back under control, and Sasha and Glenn are knocking pretty loudly on death’s door. Enter Daryl and the gang with just the right medications to bring everyone back and seemingly get the sickness under control. Way! *air guitar solo* And they live happily ever after…until the very last second before credits roll, where we get a glimpse of the Governor watching the prison from the woods. It’s about freakin’ time they bring him back into the game. Michonne’s got a bone to pick with him, and I’m itching to see it get picked clean.
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This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
Dale’s Deeds by Alex Langley.
If you haven’t seen The Raid: Redemption yet, you need to stop everything your doing, fake some explosive diarrhea so that you can go home from work early, and watch it this instant. It’s one of the best recent martial arts films, and now there’s a sequel, The Raid 2: Berandal, which I am so pumped for I would punch a clown in the rubber nose just to get to see it sooner. The Raid 2 raids its way into theaters some time in 2014, so until then you’ll have to make do with the trailer below.
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
