Carrie (1976) |

Another chick who doesn’t want flowers for Valentine’s Day is Carrie White. This telekinetic young girl will protect herself and exact revenge on anyone who messes with her. Well, she might actually want some flowers and a maybe a kind word or two, but instead gets a lifetime of terrorizing by her classmates AND her mother (Piper Laurie). However, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? All the terrorizing made Carrie’s telekinetic power so strong that she finally stood up for herself…and killed everyone. Go Carrie!

Before: Happy normal Carrie!

Carrie is a horror film about a girl with telekinetic powers named Carrie (Sissy Spacek), who is abused by everyone around her. She is invited to the prom by a very popular boy (William Katt, The Greatest American Hero) and they happen to win Prom King and Queen. So when she is on stage accepting her crown, she gets a bucket of pig blood dumped on her by a very rude classmate, Chris (Nancy Allen). Carrie has had enough and finally stands up for herself by trapping everyone in the gym and killing them. You see, Princess Peach, Carrie went from being a victim to saving herself. Maybe you could learn something… I think I’ve been playing too much Mario Brothers for the Wii!

After: Crazed, on a Rampage, gonna kill everyone Carrie!

Carrie has all the elements that I look for in a film. It’s got some action, horror (based on a novel by Stephen King), a young John Travolta, snooty kids invoking the anger of a gifted, crazy, abused kid. Awesome! You have to see this film if you haven’t already, and if you have you should watch it again. It’s a classic horror flick and is considered to be the best by some. You’ll probably get drawn into the film quckly by the smattering of female nudity in a shower scene, but beware! The nudity gets ruined very quickly, and things just get crazier from there.

This Valentine’s Day, you might want to really think hard before getting Carrie flowers. If they’re the wrong kind, your ass is grass. You might be safer with a gift of resurrection since she’s dead (oops, spoiler alert on a thirty-year-old movie) or a foster home equipped with a brand new family.

Time Until Action Starts: ~ 5 minutes.

Baddies: I think the politically correct term is ‘crazy women on the rag!’

Best Line: “Eat s**t!”

Best Kill: Carrie was slowly coming to realize that her mother was a nut. That realization became the purple elephant wearing a pink tu-tu in the middle of a room filled with poo as her mother tried to stab her. Her own friggin’ daughter. This might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Carrie used her telekinesis to defend herself, stabbing her mother with random kitchen utensils until she was pinned in a crucifixion position.

Best Explosion: Yeah! Carrie is walking down the middle of the road drenched in pig’s blood and has that crazed look in her eye. Chris (Nancy Allen) and Billy (John Travolta) just watched Carrie kill everyone at the prom so they decide they can take her down with a car. Oh silly high schoolers, so much to learn in life, but these two won’t be learning anything else except how hot hell really is because Carrie telekinetically flipped the car over right as it was about to run her down. Then it explodes! A telekinetic explosion! Did I mention that I love this film?

Action Rating: ½ Buckets of Pig Suds, out of 5