Some people believe that birth order shapes a child’s personality growing up. Psychologist Alfred Adler studied this specifically, coming up with the “middle child syndrome,” explaining the middle born child is somewhat forgotten by the parents since their attention is often focused on the older child or baby of the family (a highly-debated finding, I might add). This in turn can lead to the middle child having difficulty knowing what role they play in the family and having self esteem problems. If they’re not too busy staging a huge rebellion against their parents, the middle child may take interest in completely different hobbies from their older sibling so that they can find something that’s “theirs.” Similarly, Black Christmas (2006) is the middle born movie of the franchise and does things differently from its 1974 older sibling and 2019 younger sibling. Unlike the middle children in Adler’s theory, however, this middle child is one who should be forgotten and ignored.
Written and directed by Glen Morgan, Black Christmas (2006) is set at a sorority house on Christmas. The girls are having their Christmas party before everyone leaves the following day to do their obligatory family stuff. During the party they receive a threatening phone call, and slowly the girls start disappearing. But who could it be!?! Hmmm, could it be the infamous, incarcerated Billy we are introduced to at the beginning of the film? There’s no cloud of mystery when the obvious killer from the beginning escapes his cell and goes to the sorority house, which was his childhood home where he was horribly abused.
The 2006 Black Christmas decides to take the road less traveled, which turns out to be a bad choice. In the 1974 film, we never get a full glimpse of the killer and we never know a full backstory. We know he talks about Agnes and says some extremely unsettling things, just enough to leave you disturbed. Well, 2006 decides to not just tell, but show it all. They show Billy’s childhood trauma and explain who Agnes is. It’s horrifying all right, but not the kind of horror people enjoy in horror films. We’re talking multiple forms of child abuse. This shit happens in real life- I don’t want to see it played out on the screen before me. Nope, it makes Billy too real and sympathetic, cutting down on the fun horror movie scares and just leaving you feeling demoralized and distressed.
The film packs a heavy punch when it comes to the cast but misses completely, spins around, and falls down in a puddle of mud when it comes to giving the characters actual personalities. Some of the recognizable faces include Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Michelle Trachtenburg, Kristen Cloke, Katie Cassidy, and Lacey Chabert. Sounds amazing, right? Well, keep that excitement down in the mud puddle because the actresses could switch parts and literally play any of the characters and it would make no difference. All of the characters felt like the same bowl of grits, so bland and tasteless. Towards the end of the film I found myself looking at the surviving characters and thinking how little I cared about who was left standing. It very well could have been a different two and I would have had the same lack of feelings. With every death, my only thought was, “Well, that happened.”
Well, maybe not the only thought because Black Christmas (2006) came out in the era of torture horror films such as Saw and Hostel and it is disgustingly gory. Not in any kind of good way either. It’s just gory to be gory- it’s not clever or imaginative, and it doesn’t add anything to the (lack of) creative vision. If I’m trying to find a positive note, the gore is in line with the overall plot of the story- in that it’s dumb, uncreative, and the only thing it accomplishes is making you wish the movie would end already. The plot doesn’t provide any scares, twists or turns, or creativity. It is the most run-of-the-mill, all-characters-have-an-IQ-of-10 kind of story out there, full of nonstop contrivances to keep things chugging along.
Just like the proposed “middle child syndrome,” Black Christmas (2006) tries to follow the original, older sibling, movie in a lot of ways but adds its own spark- such as back story of the killer and an ending that provided closure. However, the spark ended up causing a dumpster fire. The backstory is horribly depressing just making you feel really bad for Billy and Agnes. Combine that with a house full of girls with no personality who you don’t give two shits about and you’ll find yourself sad, miserable, and wanting to get Billy and Agnes some help. Do yourself a favor and don’t watch Black Christmas (2006).
I would, however, highly recommend the 1974 and 2019 Black Christmas.
Disclaimer: Just because I am the Action Flick Chick and love action movies does not mean I condone real life violence in any way. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, be nice to each other.
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