As always, there are spoilers ahead!

Season three of The Walking Dead is dead and buried, and now we’ve got a long wait for season four to rise from its grave. While there’s plenty of good stuff that happens in “Welcome to the Tombs,” overall this finale just doesn’t match the dynamite intensity of the first half of season three/badassness of season two’s finale.

Before we get into the recap, let’s check in with Dale.

Andrea! Great to see you!

Hey, there, Dale. Looks like my naive optimism and lust for alpha males was finally the end of me.
I’m not sure what you mean about things being the “end of you,” but I’m glad to see you out here at my RV. Pull up a chair and grab a hot dog.

Hey, guys.

Carl? You didn’t die.
Nobody’s dead, Andrea. Gosh, you sound just like Shane.
Oooh, how’s he doing? He seeing anybody?

You’re right, Andrea. Carl didn’t die, but his innocence and humanity sure as hell did.

Carl! Watch your language, son!

(Unintelligible raccoon noises)

What in the world is that?
Oh, that’s the raccoon what’s been terrorizing me for the last few months. I call him Rowdy Raccoon. We had a big ol’ fistfight, and then sat down and talked a few things through. Now we’re roommates. He’s calmer now, but I’d keep an eye on your firearms around him because he likes to take ’em and start taking potshots at trees. He’s kind of macho that way.

Macho, huh? Tell me, Rowdy, is there a Ms. Raccoon?

(Unintelligible raccoon noises)

Oh, you. Not in front of Carrrrrrrl!

What are you guys talking about?

Carl, give these two love-birds some space and give me a hand in the kitchen. I keep trying to make cherry pie, but I can’t stop eating the dang cherries. You gotta keep me cherry-free, son, or else all we’re getting is more nekkid pies

Thanks, Dale! Glad to see your raccoon troubles got sorted out… more or less. Now onward, to the recap!

Despite Woodbury’s superior numbers and weaponry, Rick’s Rebels prove themselves to be the far better survivors in what ends up as a quick and not-so grand battle.  The Gov, having permanently stapled a pair of Crazy Pants onto his body, rides into the prison with his army, guns a-blazin’ and rocket launchers a-firing, but Rick’s Rebels are nowhere to be seen. The Woodburians actually do Rick’s Rebel’s a favor by clearing out most of the zombies at the prison! They end up surprised, though, when Rick’s Rebels lure them into the heart of the prison and then scare them with smoke grenades and flashy gunfire. The Woodburians run away with their tail between their legs, with roughly zero casualties on both sides. Brilliant plan, Rick’s Rebels! Didn’t make for that exciting of a climax, but it was smart nonetheless.

The Woodburians decide that enough is enough— if Rick and his “psychos” want that prison, they can have it. The Gov doesn’t react too kindly to their cowardice, so he grabs a machine gun and mows everybody down. The only survivors are Karen, who hid under some dead bodies, and Martinez and Bowman, who still look incredibly freaked out over the massive body count. The Gov drives off with his two right-hand-men as very reluctant passengers, and then that’s the last we see of them this season. What the frickin’ frak! Why isn’t The Gov dead?! They’re going to leave us with blue balls until the show returns in October? Argh! The Gov killing his own men was the perfect way to add some tragedy while showing off just how much The Gov has gone insane… and given the fact that he killed Merle last episode, I’d say his time is up. Gov must go! Gov must go!

I think Carl was playing Hide and Seek with his humanity this season, and gave up on finding it. He sulks around angrily before the battle, furious that Rick would stick him with protecting Beth and Hershel. As the Woodburians flee, Jody, the young guy who has been running around with Tyreese, appears and surrenders to the well-armed trio. Carl ain’t having it, though, and pops the kid between the eyes while he was trying to give up his gun. Yowza! Carl’s turned into one cold mofo. When Rick tries talking to him about it, not only is he unrepentant about killing that kid, but he lists Rick’s previous decisions not to kill certain people and how it ended up costing several lives, including Lori. The young Grimes has a point, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s turning into a little terminator right before our eyes.

And lastly, Andrea’s story: she’s still tied up in The Gov’s torture room. After pounding on Milton for a while, The Gov fatally stabs him and locks him in with her so he’ll zombify and kill her. She spends what feels like several days trying to pick up some pliers with her feet, and once she finally gets loose, Zombie Milton attacks. She kills him, but gets bitten in the process. Michonne and company discover her, and Andrea does the noble thing and takes herself out before she turns. Michonne tearfully stays by her side the entire time, thus ending the proud reign of #teamblondeanddreadly. It was really sad to see Andrea, who was often a smart, tough character, transformed into someone so frequently incompetent this season. However, when she’s talking to the mortally wounded Milton she explains that the she always did what she did because she “just didn’t want anyone to die,” and Laurie Holden’s delivery is so innocent and kind that it really makes you feel for her. Alas, we won’t have to be annoyed any longer by her constantly making the wrong choice even when the right choice is slapping her in the face. Her death came at the right time, but I was annoyed at how she died— I was hoping for something a little more badass and redemptive.

Ultimately, the episode ends with the remaining Woodburians, including Tyreese and Sasha, joining Rick’s Rebels to live at the prison.

Likes:

• Relative lack of cast member casualties— Rick’s Rebels made it out (mostly) unharmed!
• Carl shooting Jody.
• Carl’s cold, hard lesson for Rick
• Carl’s reaction at the sight of Woodbury citizens showing up to the prison. He thinks it’s a namby-pamby move, and he’s sick of it.
• Tyreese and Sasha joining Rick’s Rebels

Dislikes:

• Lack of a dead Governor. GOV MUST GO! GOV MUST GO!
• Andrea’s quiet death

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This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

Dale’s Deeds written by Alex Langley.