The last three weeks in The Walking Dead have been very exciting, not in the action-packed kind of way, but in the omg revelation, Chandler-Bing-busting-out-from-behind-a-door-yelling “I KNEW IT!” kind of way. “Slabtown,” “Self Help,” and “Consumed” cover the same period of time from three different points of view. I think. Honestly, the whole passing of time isn’t easy to keep up with since each episode focuses on a different group doing things during the same time period. Minute-by-minute chronology doesn’t really matter as long as AMC keeps on bringing us good stories like this one. But first, let’s check in with Dale over at the RV.

Action Chick, I found a box full of DVDs in the back of a burnt up truck on the highway, and they seemed to be in pretty good shape. I ended up watching five whole seasons of something called Family Matters. That show sure did get strange, after a while. Started out about a middle class black family, and it ended up being all about that little guy with the glasses who could built robots and transformation chambers and atom bombs. I went back to that truck to see if I could find the rest of the series on DVD, but all I found was a charred skeleton and some Nickelback CDs. I threw both on a fire and went on my way.

Thanks, Dale. Now, onward, to the recap!

In “Slabtown” we finally get to see where Beth has been all this time. She’s in an actual hospital fortified by a lawful evil group of people I will now refer to as Doctors Without Morals. “Oh yeah, we’ll save your life and give you food and act nice to you, but underneath it all we’re keeping track of everything you ‘owe’ us and let rape and abuse run wild while we look the other way.” One should be so lucky to get picked up by these good Samaritans.

Beth, like the smart woman that she is, starts working on a plan to escape the moment she wakes up. She doesn’t get out, but ends up helping a young man get out. After a round of beatings for trying to escape, Beth arms herself with scissors, in what looks like preparation to go full out REDRUM on their assess, but before she can strike, Carol rolls in on a stretcher.

That’s where the episode ends! Argh! I’m so ready to see them turn the Doctors Without Morals into Doctors Without a Place to Practice. (A more fitting wordplay might have been Doctors Without Pulses or Doctors Without Faces, but they’re just kind of bad, but not so bad you want to see them get eviscerated. Plus the creepy rapist in their group already met a zombie-filled end, so I’m good. I need to see more from the rest of those bozos before rooting for a horrible death.

Charging ahead to last weeks’ episode, “Consumed,” we see what Carol and Daryl are up to since they left Rick’s Rebels to find Beth, but before Carol gets taken by the Doctors Without Morals. This is a very slow episode, but it’s still nice to get to have some one-on-one time with these two. While Carol and Daryl seek shelter in her old halfway house, we get to see the two of them reaffirm their bond, reminiscing about who they were versus who they are now, and what the point of all this suffering is. The best reason Carol comes up with for fighting to stay alive is this: “If I’m going to Hell, I’m going to put it off for as long as I can.” Sounds good to me.

Carol and Daryl run into Noah, the guy Beth helped escape from Doctor Without Morals in “Slabtown.” Shortly thereafter, Carol gets run down by one of their cars, and taken in to be treated for the injuries they just afflicted on her. Whether or not it was on purpose is up in the air for now; Carol did just run out into the street, and it doesn’t make sense for Doctors Without Morals to hurt people just to bring them in, heal them, and then keep them… unless, that’s the only way they think they can get people to stay is if the people “owe” them…which, knowing the Walking Dead, is probably true so there we go. Daryl takes Noah and the two head back to Rick’s Rebels so they can plan a proper attack.

The other episode, “Self Help” follows Brain-Mullet group as they head to Washington. I loved “Self Help.” We get so many golden jewels from Mr. Mullet as he explains why he has the mullet: “Because I like it. The smartest man I ever met happened to love my hair…He said my hair made me look like, and I quote ‘A fun guy,’ which I am.” I think this guy is so smart he doesn’t know the simple things, like what “fun” actually means.

Then we discover his voyeuristic tendencies as he “again” watches Abraham and Rosita get horizontal. Throwing in “again” can add so much more to a sentence. He also sabotages the party bus to Washington (which he freely admits to Tara, voicing concerns that no one likes him or would help him if he didn’t have the cure. THAT! That right there might as well have been a huge neon sign above his head reading “I’m lying about knowing a cure.”

And…he is! Mr. Mullet comes out and admits to Brain-Mullet crew that he doesn’t know the cure, and he’s not even a doctor, just a really good liar! Oh my, oh my, oh my. Abraham loses his shit and punches Mr. Mullet out- or kills him. He looks kind of dead at the end, but I hope he’s alright. He’s so much more interesting now, and this totally makes sense about his hair comment. No one ever told him that. He’s just a weirdo who likes having a mullet. Ha! I love it.

Other Awesome/Nail Biting Scenes:

• Using the fire truck to hose down and kill the zombies.
• Carol and Daryl falling off the overpass in the van.
• Beth stuck in the office with Rapey McRaper. 
• The numerous, subtle bits of acting from Norman Reedus and Melissa Mcbride. Good stuff!

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

Dale’s Deeds by Alex Langley.