Daybreakers (2010)

Finally! We get a movie with “real” vampires and none of this “I sparkle in the sun and read minds” bullcrap. Daybreakers gives us a world full of vampires who drink human blood, can’t walk in the sunlight, and who have a truly monstrous vampire nature. They don’t have reflections and they don’t have any superpowers…other than being immortal.

It's blood. Is it Chris's blood? (Resident Evil, anyone?)

Ethan Hawke is a hematologist vampire named Edward (not to be confused with the main sparkly vampire from Twilight) in a world full of vampires with a very small number of humans left. He’s racing against the clock to try to find a blood substitute so that the whole world will not starve to death when the humans become extinct. In his quest for a blood substitute, he makes friends with some humans who might just have the answer he’s been looking for. One of these humans is none other than Willem Dafoe! I love this guy. Ever since I saw him in drag frenching a dude in The Boondock Saints he has been one of my favorite actors and he delivers another great performance in Daybreakers.

I really enjoyed Daybreakers. It has a unique story in that it’s sort of what the book I am Legend was like for everyone but Robert Neville. The film also has some great action and tons of gore, but not an over the top amount like Ninja Assassin. Really, there is just enough balance between story telling and action and gore to keep you interested in both. Some of the action scenes got me so pumped that I would giggle and like a schoolgirl and throw popcorn at everyone in the theater. The bottom line is that if you enjoy vampire films, this is a good one to watch.

Time until real action starts: ~ 11 minutes.

Big Bad Baddies: Vampires!

Best Line: “Being human in a world full of vampires is about as safe as barebacking a five dollar whore!”

Best Kill: I’m not going to spoil the actual BEST kill because it is really awesome and would spoil some plot. But the next best kill is still really awesome. A good vampire citizen volunteers to have the blood substitute tried out on him first. They inject him with blood substitute and everything appears to be peachy keen. Then he suddenly vomits all over one of the nurses. I’m talking about volcano eruption type vomit, and then his skin starts to bubble up into hives. And that’s why nurses and doctors should get paid a hella lot. So Ed injects the vampire with something else and everything seems to go back to normal, no vomiting, no blisters. Vampire just resting on the table. Then BOOM! The vampire explodes! Blood and guts hit the windows and walls at ground breaking speeds. All the doctors and nurses are covered from head to toe. And that, my friends, is why you should not volunteer to be the first person to try an experimental drug. You think the fifty dollars will be enough to treat yourself to a nice dinner, but you won’t be enjoying that dinner if your stomach is smeared on the wall.

Best Explosion: A military Hummer is chasing another smaller car. The smaller car manages to slide across a broken down bridge, but the Hummer is not so lucky. It’s weight causes the bridge beams to fall. Two beams impale the car and the vampires inside. The vampires explode from the exposure to sunlight, knocking the Hummer down into the ditch below the bridge. It doubly explodes when it hits the ground, blocking the path for the other Hummers and letting the smaller car get away.

Action Rating: 1 ½ rebellious adolescent vampires  out of 5

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!