Crank: High Voltage (2009)- Upping the Voltage and Craziness of the Original

Hello, Action Flick Chick here. Would you like to see a movie where everything’s made up and the plot doesn’t matter? A movie filled with action and boobs? Well, now you can! For a limited time only you can see Crank: High Voltage!

But wait… that’s not all, folks! Crank (the first one) is not a requirement because Crank 2 has enough flashbacks to keep you in the loop. AND it even throws in some psychedelic scenes to make you feel like you’re high…or going nuts…or both at the same time. What more could you ask for? So don’t wait! Act now, the offer ends soon!

If you thought Crank was out of control…you were right. Few could ever top the craziness that is Crank. Behind-the-camera duo Neveldine & Taylor, along with strong-jawed star Jason Stathom, manage to outdo the un-outdoable with Crank: High Voltage. “Whatever the first one was,” said Statham, “this one’s more.” I agree!

Crank: High Voltage has more kills, more boobs, and more outrageous, implausible plot. I LOVED IT! If you like movies that have deeper messages and meaningful plots, then see this flick anyway and learn to appreciate the madness.

The plot (such as it is) involves Chev Chelios (Jason Statham), who, having inexplicably survived the events of the first movie, finds himself sans a heart. In order to keep his motor running while he tries to find who stole his ticker, he has to stay juiced up with electricity. Alongside him are Amy Smart, returning as Chev’s hapless girlfriend Eve, and Efran Ramirez. Yes, for those who remember the events of the first movie, Ramirez’s character also died. Turns out he had a twin brother all along!

Of all the characters Statham’s ever played, Chev Chelios might be the rudest. I mean, honestly! Chev doesn’t even try making nice with people!  When he walks through a crowd, he just pushes through the people instead of walking around them. Then he looks at them like they were the rude ones.

Of course, with this being a Crank film, Neveldine and Taylor couldn’t leave out the.. ahem… ‘public display of affection’ between Amy Smart and Jason Statham. The sex scene in Crank 2 is just as insane but 100% consensual instead of the… dubious consent of the first film, so this is one trip to bone-town that I can 100% get behind.

Bottom line: see this movie. It’s not a… nice film, to be sure. More like a really violent, live-action episode of Looney Tunes. Don’t watch it with anyone you’d be embarrassed to watch a porno with, though. Like a porno, the plot doesn’t matter in films like this. I still hold out hope for a third Crank… even though I have no idea how they can top this one. If anyone could do it, however, it’d be these madmen.

Time until initial action starts: ~ 15 seconds

Baddies: Anyone saying “Fuck you, Chelios,” which is pretty much everyone.

Best Kill: In Crank, Chev Chelios holds a hospital worker (Glenn Howerton) hostage at gunpoint. Well, he’s back!  He is sitting in a therapist’s office getting counseled because he was so traumatized by his first run in with Chelios. He finally starts to feel better. He stands up and says things like he is ready to take on the world and get his life back, when suddenly a stray bullet catches him in the dome. His brains splatter everywhere and the therapist throws up all over the place.

Who shot him? Well, Chev Chelios was fighting a guy and a bullet went astray, ricocheting off of a light post, then a mailbox, and then through the window to cap this poor hospital worker.

Action Rating: 5 cracked out Statham’s shoving shotguns up a guy’s booty, out of 5