Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Everyone knows why T2 is awesome, and everyone should know what happens in T2. If you don’t, shame on you. Watch it now! Linda Hamilton was born to fight off terminators and Arnold Schwarzenegger was born to play a terminator. Arnold’s robotic acting really shines through here as well as Hamilton’s bad ass-ness. Arnold delivers his lines masterfully. I didn’t realize it until this most recent viewing, but mundane lines like “I need a vacation” or “This does not help our mission” really cracked me up.

Overall, this movie shows no mercy. The T-1000 kills animals and innocent people alike. There’s none of this “Let’s only kill the baddies.” Hell no! If you are in T2 and you don’t have the last name of Connor you are pretty much screwed. And that is just a fact of life in the world of terminators. Well, you might have a chance if it’s Arnold who is coming after you, since in this flick he was ordered not to kill anyone innocent; but, that doesn’t mean you will come out of the encounter with both legs and/or all of your hair. So if you see Arnold Schwarzenegger coming at you with a Gatling gun or any other terminator, RUN, BITCH, RUN!

One thing I really liked about T2 was how simply Arnold solved everyone’s problems. Uh oh, you’re stuck in a vault with no way out, Arnold creates a way out by busting through the wall. Uh oh, someone is at the gate and isn’t going to let you in to save your mom; Arnold shoots the guy in the kneecap, with a quick “He’ll live” and it’s on with the show. So simple, and so beautiful. Why didn’t I think of that!

With Terminator Salvation coming out in just a few days, this is a good one to brush up on and remind you of just how awesome the Terminator movies are. T2 is my favorite of the three thus far, and we’ll all just have to see how the newest one holds up. I can’t wait!

Time until initial action starts: ~1 minute

Time until real action starts: ~ 8 minutes

Big Bad Baddies: T-1000

Best Line: It’s insanely hard to pick just one Best Line for this one, but I’m gonna have to go with “Hasta la vista, baby!”

Best Kill: T-1000 is posing as John’s foster mom. The foster dad thinks, “Hmm, I’m thirsty, I think I’ll drink some milk.” I guess T-1000 was really tired of everyone drinking out of the carton because he freakin’ stabs the foster dad with his blade of a hand through the milk carton, through his mouth, and out the back of his head, pinning him to the wall. A simple warning would have sufficed. “Hey, don’t drink from the carton or I’ll stab you in the head.” I would’ve definitely gotten a glass after that, wouldn’t you?

Best T-1000 ‘Kill’: A huge truck carrying liquid nitrogen crashes and spills all over the ground. T-1000, thinking he’s invincible, walks right through it, or at least tries to. First his feet crystallize and break off. Then every piece of him that touched the liquid nitrogen crystallizes until his whole body is frozen. Then Arnold shoots him into a million tiny pieces.

Best Chemical Explosion: John (Edward Furlong), Sarah, and T-800 (Arnold) fill a whole room of an office building with explosives. When it detonates, the whole floor is blown to smithereens.

Best Nuclear Explosion: In a vision of the future, a nuclear bomb explodes and absolutely disintegrates everything and everyone. All companies involved are reduced to ash. Awesome!

Action Rating: 4 thumbs up, out of 5

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters.