Review: Bullet to the Head

Bullet to the Head, starring my main squeeze Sylvester Stallone, follows the typical action movie formula and ends up being a good, but not excellent, action flick (It hurts me to say that about anything with Stallone in it). Stallone’s a hitman who teams up with a cop (Sung Kang) to solve the murders of their respective partners. Love the cast! Gigantic, “I’m so sexy” Jason Momoa, plus the awesome, I’ll never be able to pronounce his name correctly, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, and a blast from the past, Christian Slater, are each great in their roles. Stallone and Kang’s buddy cop vibe has a nice air of  “You’re an alright dude, but if you mess up I’ll take you out” to it.

Bonomo (Stallone) is like the essence of action movies distilled into a single character: all he wants is to cut through the crap and get to the point, which generally means fighting someone. He’s an uncomplicated (and unforgiving) person- violence has always gotten him results, so he turns to that first before trying anything else, which is why pairing him with Kwon (Kang) works so well. Kwon tries to be humane about things, arresting criminals instead of blowing them away, trying to interrogate someone by asking questions rather than torturing them immediately. Kwon is the classic “by the books” cop, and Bonomo is the audience’s id incarnate, acting out every evil little thought you ever had while watching a movie. Ever thought, “Just shoot him already,” or “Punch that sumbitch!” Then you’ll be pleased by Bonomo’s frequent shooting and fisticuffs.

As advertised, Bullet to the Head features a lot of bullets to the head. I bet you never would’ve guessed that! With that, however, come a lot of smaller action scenes that end pretty quickly because of the bullet to the head being kind of instantly fatal. Still, there’s a nice stream of skirmishes throughout, helping it not fall into a dire phase of pointless talking. Stallone still has the skills, the muscles, and the raw swagger to fuel the action, and manages to inject his usual sense of charm and humor to the entire affair.

The humor can be hit or miss depending on you. There’s a lot of old man “I don’t understand the fancy world today” kind of humor about technology and very light racist jokes, which have  kind of been over done by now, but can still be amusing. Bullet to the Head is definitely one to watch, but not necessarily in theaters. It’ll provide a solid, a-okay fun time, especially for Stallone fans.

Beware spoilers below!

Best Line: “Are we going to fight, or are you going to bore me to death?”

Best Kill: Bonomo goes to “have a chat” with the employer who set him up. They wrestle around like two bears fighting over honey, showing off Bonomo’s raw physical power. Eventually he gets his hands on the one gun, and as the other guy tries to make a deal, Bonomo puts a bullet to his head. The guy falls back into a pool, filling it with his blood and brains.

Best Explosion: Baddies have Bonomo’s house surrounded, shooting so many holes in the walls it could be a pasta strainer. Bonomo and Kwon break out of the house and swim to the shed across the way. With one push of a button, the house blows up, blasting debris to kingdom come and killing most of the baddies.

Action Rating: 3 Bullets to the Head, out of 5.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!