Action Flick Chick

Posted By Action Flick Chick on March 30, 2009

Empty your bladders, boys and girls, Hard Ticket to Hawaii is so hilarious that you’ll pee your pants if you’re not careful. Hard Ticket to Hawaii is one of the many movies part of the Triple B series by Andy Sidaris. Triple B stands for bullets, bombs, and babes- right up my alley! Of course, Hard Ticket to Hawaii is 90% babes and boobs and 10% other stuff. There were naked breasts within 1 minute of the beginning of the film and then again 4 minutes later and the rest of the movie follows suit. The three girls who star in this flick were all Playboy Playmates of the Month just a few years before Hard Ticket to Hawaii was released… soo, they aren’t horrible to look at, per se, but I’d rather be looking at an explosion.

There are just so many good things about Hard Ticket to Hawaii. It’s one of those movies that is so awful and outrageous that it’s awesome and hilarious. The two main girls, Dona Speir and Hope-Marie Carlton, are pilots and start the movie off by transporting some tourists to another island along with a hyper-snake that has been “contaminated.” Here’s the twist, they don’t know the snake is “contaminated.” Gasp, uh ohh Who would’ve guessed? AND, while they are dropping off this snake at a wildlife place they run into some drug lords who are picking up some diamonds as payment. They have a rumble in the jungle and the girls get away with the diamonds, as does the hyper-snake. Thus setting the plot for the rest of the movie. You start off thinking that this movie is about the freakin’ snake, but it’s not. The snake plays a very minor role until the end when a TOILET EXPLODES AND OUT POPS THE FREAKIN’ SNAKE. You have to see this movie based on this scene alone, but the rest of the movie does not disappoint with the ridiculousness.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii is equipped with voice-overs (funny), 80’s music, hair, and clothing (outrageous), tons of nudity (awesome), lines that don’t make sense (hilarious), and Ronn Moss, the guy from The Bold and the Beautiful who is obsessed with Rick. (All you fans of The Soup know who I’m talking about.) There’s only a little bit of action in this flick but it doesn’t matter this time. This is one that you and a bunch of your friends need to sit down and watch together. You will all have a great laugh. I know I did.

Time until the action starts: ~ 3 minutes

Time until the REAL action starts: ~ 19 minutes

Big bad baddies: Hyper-Snake and drug lords

Best Line: “One man’s dream is another man’s lunch.” HUH?!?

AND Just because this movie is filled with great lines like that, here is a honorary mention: “If brains were birds***t, you’d have a clean cage.”

Best Kill: Death Frisbee. One of the bad guys goes to the beach everyday to play Frisbee with this hot girl. So, Moss makes a Frisbee with razor blades coming out of the side all around it. He shows up on the beach during their Frisbee date and tells the girl to take a hike. Moss switches the Frisbees and throws the razor blade Frisbee. The bad guy tries to catch it but it slices right through all of his finger, cuts them clean off. Blood starts squirting everywhere. He looks at his hand in disbelief and falls to the ground.

Best Explosion: This is the most awesome explosion ever. So two good guys are riding in a jeep. A baddie comes at them on a skateboard and shoots up their car. In order to hide the gun though, the baddie covers it up by carrying a blowup doll with him. So the good guys see a guy skateboarding down the highway with a blowup doll and think nothing of it. Anyway, they all turn around and face each other head on. The good guys hit the baddie with their jeep, sending him flying through the air in slow motion. Then out of nowhere, Moss shoots the guy with a bazooka. He freakin’ explodes. It covers the whole screen and you see little parts flying everywhere. Then, ohh no, it’s not over yet. The blow up doll is still flying through the air. So, Moss turns the bazooka on it and blows it to pieces. Another huge explosion fills the whole screen. It was so awesome and so surprising that I had to rewind it and watch it again. As the good guys are driving away they make a comment that it was too bad the skateboard got away. I was laughing so hard I had to pause and regain composure and you will too.

Rating: 1 Hyper-Snake exploding out of the toilet, out of 5

“Just when you thought it was safe to take a pee.” -Ronn Moss, Hard Ticket to Hawaii

Two-minute version of clip shown on Attack of the Show! See if Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn are right to argue that this needs to be shown in Movies That Don’t Suck.

Categories: * all movie reviews *, 1 kaboom, R-rated, YouTube, action, movie
Tags: Andy Sidaris, babes, bombs, boobs, breasts, bullets, Bullets Bombs and Babes, Dona Speir, gore, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Hope Marie Carlton, Malibu Bay Films, Nudity, Playboy Playmates, R-rated, Ronn Moss, Sex Scene, softcore, Triple B Collection, violence