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WARNING: Spoilers abound in this review, so be warned!
Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina! Have you had that talk with your kids yet? Well, now you don’t have to. Take them to see Watchmen and avoid that awkward conversation. In Watchmen there are penis shots sprinkled in liberally in throughout the movie, but in a tasteful way, not in a pornographic way making it totally appropriate for the kiddos, so there won’t be anything weird to explain. And not just regular human penis shots, but blue, glowing superhuman penis. You might have to explain that a little bit.
Well enough about wangs. Watchmen is a great flick and very interesting. It is about masked heroes who…well, you just need to watch or read about it. I have never read Watchmen so I can’t tell you whether it was faithful to the comic or not. But what I can tell you is that the story kept me interested all 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is a feat in and of itself. I like my movies to get to the point quickly and be action packed. Wham Bam thank you ma’am! Even though it is about masked heroes, there isn’t much action compared to the length of the movie. It has all the elements of an action movie, but 40 minutes of total action is not a lot when it is a 2 hour 40 minute film. The action scenes felt really spread out until you reach the end of the movie. Now if this was an regular 90 minute movie it would obviously rate higher but I don’t think the Watchmen story would work that way. It was laid out just right spending the right amount of time on each character. Thanks to how good the story is, I never looked at my watch once while watching this film. I know, crazy, right?
My favorite character would have to be Rorschach, of course, and here is an example why: He fights two henchmen, breaking the thumbs on one and killing the other using a toilet and electricity, following it up with, “Never disposed of sewage with a toilet before. Seems obvious really.” Then he looks at the hench-leader and says, “2- nothing. Your move.” Rorschach says everything people wish they had the balls to say. He’s raw and uncensored, and I love the crap out of him.
Watchmen is also a very unique movie, to say the least. There’s not a lot of clear cut right and wrong, it’s up to you to decide for yourself. You get so many mixed feelings as to who is good and who is bad. Watchmen is set in an alternate history, and well… the crap hitteth the faneth forcing everyone, including the heroes, to choose a side. So, whose side are you on?
Time until the action starts: ~ 3 minutes
*Most movies will start off with a little bit of action. So the real question is how long does it take after the initial attention grabber for the REAL action to start? Thus the 2 separate categories.
Time until the REAL action starts: ~ 37 minutes
Big bad baddies: Hell if I know. Nixon? You get to decide who the baddies are this time.
Best Line: “None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you, YOU’RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!!!”
Best Kill: The Comedian is talking to a lady in Vietnam that he happened to knock up. She’s yelling at him asking him what he is going to do about the baby and he just up and pulls a gun on her. Everyone freezes, thinking, ”He wouldn’t kill a pregnant lady.” Well, get ready for summer school because you just failed. The Comedian totally shot that pregnant lady killing her and the baby. This should also gets the title of Most Messed Up Kill.
Best Explosion: An energy reactor is set off in the middle of New York City emitting a blue cloud. As people are staring at it mesmerized as well as trying to figure out what it is they are all lifted up and evaporated along with the rest of the city leaving NYC in ruins.
Rating: 2 Rorschachs beating up midgets, out of 5
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An excellent film. My following review is from the point of view of the movie, as I have not read the novel. That said, I see why Time listed it in the top 100 novels. The plot and characters are on par with Hemingway and Faulkner in the 1930s, Great Depression style of dramas. All the characters, save Dr. Manhattan, are extremely human. They have deep personality flaws, which contribute to the reality of their humanity. The familiar relationship between Edward Blake, Laurie Juspeczyk, and Sally Juspeczyk was genius. I also enjoyed the dialogue between the Comedian and the Molok. It was painfully sad to see that when the two men are dying, and each the others foe, a bittersweet friendship arises. Tending was fantastic and excellently plotted out. The implications of which Dr. Manhattan sacraficing himself (due to his ever-dissolving human-nature) for the greater cause of global peace. Finally, Rorschach’s death was amazing. The very beautiful and poignant implication of the ending was that, with Rorschach’s death and with Dr. Manhattan’s leaving, the men who masqueraded as superheroes could now ascend to become the superheroes. By a sacrifice by Jon Ostermon the world can now be saved
Forgive me for disagreeing, but I feel that ot should receive four Rorschach cards out of five
This is getting pretty old with people skimming the Chick’s reviews without paying any attention to the fact that she’s rating them as action movies. Not on how good they are overall. Not on how much she likes them. A gazillion people are out there doing that. SHE’S RATING THEM AS ACTION MOVIES. Watchmen is not a mindless explosion fest with relentless action from beginning to end. It’s mostly plot and characterization. Sheesh.
Well, then. Forgive me. Delete the post in which I rate it.
Oh, gosh, no. We really appreciate that you took the time to share some really great and well written thoughts about the movie. Your rating is your rating. You can and should rate it however you darn well please. Just because the Chick rates them strictly as action movies doesn’t mean anyone else should. The word “disagree” is what set me off, which might not have been fair. I think I’m getting a chip on my shoulder and I’m ready to club people with it.
I haven’t seen the movie yet but i’m hearing really bad review about it. I’m kinda hesitating now. aside from the fact that i don’t know the actors. *sigh. no plans.
It`s a good movie , not great but good.It`s more for children.
to Viorel: Ehh…..? That’s a lot more blue penis than they usually show the kiddie crowd.
Rorschach totally made that movie.
“I’m not locked in here with you, YOU’RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!!!” = Best. Line. Evar.
They could have made the movie better by editing out everything but the scenes of whoopass.
shortened url = http://3.ly/Watchmen2009 or http://3.ly/WtMn
Great review, and spot on. As those that would read this are waaaaaaaaaay past the spoiler ending, I can tell you that in the comic book itself, Ozy only vaporized NYC as that was enough of a point.