The Walking Dead 5-2 & 5-3: Cannibal Holocaust, But in a Good Way

After such an epically amazing first episode of The Walking Dead’s season five, I’ll admit I was afraid the next several would slow down and suck by comparison. I’m happy to announce that I was wrong; episode three, “Four Walls and a Roof,” gets shit done! Let’s check in with Dale to see what he thinks.

Action Chick, I’ve been thinking about the walkers a lot lately, and about what a terrible end it would be to have someone just… tear into you like that. To have someone ripping you to bits and eating you? Sounds like an awful fate to me. I sure am glad I’ve never had to go through anything like that.

Dale, ah think you’re still in denial about where we are, man.

SHANE IF YOU TELL ME THAT I’M DEAD AND I AM STUCK IN PURGATORY AT THIS RV BECAUSE I CAN’T ACCEPT IT ONE MORE TIME I WILL SPANK YOUR BOTTOM WITH A MIGHTY VENGEANCE.

Thanks, Dale. Now, on to the recap. Beware spoilers below.

Previously, on The Walking Dead, Bob accidentally got to second base with a zombie and started acting all weird afterwards. Based on how upset Bob was, and the melancholy way he kissed Sasha, it was pretty clear he’d been bitten, and soon it would be bye-bye Bobby boy. Turns out Bob should have been more worried about the Terminus cannibals than the bite, because those loony toons caught him and had themselves a nice Bob’s Leg BBQ. Once Bob realizes they intend to eat all of him little by little, he laughs hysterically and shows them his fancy bite wound. You can’t help but feel sorry for good ol’ Bobby boy. I didn’t even like him all that much, but damn I’m sad he’s getting the comic book Dale treatment (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you don’t need to know). He was definitely one of the more cheerful, haven’t-gone-off-the-deep-end-yet members of Rick’s Rebels.

Alas, poor Bob. We knew him well.

Seeing Bob’s fancy bite wound makes the cannibals regret their stolen merchandise and immediately return him Rick’s Rebels. And then- this is where I got both excited and confused- we see a large “A” written in blood on the side of the church. My first thought is that “A” from Pretty Little Liars has arrived and is about to cause a lot of havoc, which really got me excited. But…this is The Walking Dead. So what’s up with the “A?” Did I miss something?

Anywho, Bob gets to die with dignity, with the people he loves and without losing any other body parts. I was really afraid we’d have to watch Bob suffer for several episodes, and I couldn’t be happier that we didn’t. It’s sad he died, but at least he got to be with Rick’s Rebels in (mostly) one piece instead of getting barbecued a piece at a time.

So, after some heartfelt goodbyes with Bob, Rick gathers up his best warriors and set out to make the cannibals pay. As soon as they leave, the cannibals come traipsing out of the woods and into the church, and I smiled and clapped my hands like a child who just got peek-a-booed. Rick’s Rebels have gotten savvy in their experience, and laid out a trap most deadly for the Terminus Cannibal Crews. When Rick’s Rebels go to town beating the cannibals to death, there’s such a mix of satisfaction and horror to everything. On the one hand, it’s great to see bad guys get what they deserve. On the other hand, Rick’s Rebels were seriously dipping into the dark side, and it got scary Rick and company didn’t just shoot the cannibals and be done with it, they bashed in their skulls with guns and sliced ‘em up with machetes. That’s brutal, man!

Oh, and Tyreese didn’t kill that jerk in the first episode, which I think we all suspected, but, man is he dead now. Wooo! In the end, it’s very nice to know Rick took care of those cannibals and fulfilled his promise from the first episode. Sheriff Grimes is, first and foremost, a man of his word.

After the carnage is over, Michonne finds her sword on one of the bodies, so yay! She can start slicing up some zom sandwiches again. And then, at the very end of the episode, Daryl emerged from the woods, calling for someone else to come out. But who?! We’ll have to wait until next week to find out, but I can’t help but hope it’s Carol with Beth, and maybe even a few fresh faces. Since Glenn, Maggie, and the Brain-Mullet crew took off for Washington, Rick’s Rebels are a little low on numbers and red shirts.

Overall, this was definitely another great episode of The Walking Dead; Keep them coming AMC!

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

Dale’s Deeds written by Alex Langley