The Walking Dead 3-9: The Walking Dixons

It’s BAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK!!!!! The Walking Dead is finally back on AMC with “The Suicide King.” After an intense opening, the episode slowed down so that the characters could take a breath, maybe even a nap, lick their wounds clean, and regroup after the hell on earth everyone went through last night.

But first, let’s check in with Dale.

Shane, quick, while that raccoon ain’t around. I want you to grab this.

Man, if you’re gettin’ weird on me you’re gonna get a punch in the mouth.

Nobody’s gettin’ weird, Shane. Just grab this and I’ll let you climb in.

(Later)
See, Shane, isn’t this relaxing? We got a hammock-tent up nice and high. No way walkers, or, more importantly, that dang raccoon, can get us up here.

(unintelligible raccoon noises while he unties the hammock-tent rope)

*hammock-tent collapses*
Shane, I think that raccoon might be the devil.

Thanks, Dale. Now, onwards, to the recap!

Here’s what happens:

 In Woodbury:

The show left us on a major cliffhanger before the break, but picks up without a second lost. The Governor forces Merle and Daryl to fight each other in his little Thunderdome, but Maggie and Rick swoop in to save them. When they escape with Merle in tow, a gaping hole is left in Woodbury’s wall, and zombies line up to get in to the fresh meat. One thing the show kind of breezed over was that, during the rescue, Maggie sniped some young, innocent bystander. Whether it was accidental (or if, in the chaos, she even realized she did it) remains to be seen.

Merle: Heeey, little brother.

The next day the citizens of Woodbury freak out. They pack up their crap and storm the gate to leave, but just as they’re trying to hit the dusty trail, the backdoor zombies show up and chow down on some Woodburians. Andrea and the others take out the walkers fairly quickly, but they’re left with the issue of the mortally wounded, bitten guy. The Governor deals with that issue in an instant- he’s tired of babysitting soft little babies, and he shoots the infected man in the head and walks off with nary a word. Andrea tries to do the right thing by making a moving speech and calming the town down. But, she’s Andrea, so after The Governor explains how he kept the fact that her friends were there, she tells him: “Don’t do that- don’t drive me out.” At this point I literally yelled in frustration at the screen. She’s really going to say that to the guy who has lied to her repeatedly and pitted her friends against each other to fight to the death!?! Someone (Michonne) needs to beat some sense into her. No matter how stupid her decisions may be, however, I still don’t want her to get killed off because she keeps things interesting.

The rest of the group:

After the escape Rick, Glen, Maggie, and Daryl try to figure out what to do with Merle. Merle’s too volatile to be added to the group, and Daryl won’t leave him behind, so the Dixon Bros. head off into the woods as a duo. Everyone else returns to the prison and gets some much-needed rest. Michonne sleeps off her concussion (which you should never, ever do), Maggie and Glen get bandaged up, Hershel does some supportin’, Carl sits around with a hardass look on his face, and Rick starts to utterly lose his crap.

Carol, it’s gonna be all right. Actually, it’s not gonna be all right, not since everyone got killed and my wife got ate up by a fat zombie after she died giving birth to a baby I can’t stand.

While trying to figure out what to do with Tyrese his band of people, Rick has a mental breakdown and starts screaming at a spooky, hallucinatory Lori. After what he’s been through, it’s no surprise that Officer Grimes is breaking down, but it looks like he may take some people with him if somebody doesn’t intervene in a hurry. Next episode we may finally get to see the Sheriff locked up.

Likes:

• Merle acting like a belligerent ass, and Rick knocking him out to shut him up.
• Maggie sniping the crap out of Woodbury.
• Glen yanking the zombie out of the truck and stomping its brains in.
• The Governor getting real, not sugarcoating everything for the citizens anymore.

Dislikes:

• Daryl leaving with Merle. He’d better be back soon or I’m going to go into withdrawal.
• “Don’t drive me out.” Holy Maury Mother of God!!!! Andrea, you drive me freaking crazy!!!

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!