Fit to Kill (1993) Review: Not Fit to Watch

After Hard Ticket to Hawaii turned out to be such a banger, I thought I’d try my hand at another entry from the Triple B (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) collection by Andy Sidaris- Fit to Kill. Surely, this experience would match the magic of Hard Ticket To Hawaii, right?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The plot of Fit to Kill is as nonsensical as Hard Ticket to Hawaii with way less of the fun. I was so bored off my ass that I can barely type up what happened. There’s something about a rare diamond everyone is trying to get their grubby hands on by plotting, killing, and stealing. Mostly, though, this is a bad softcore porn with the occasional bullet or bomb. Too many jaws a-flappin’ and not enough of them getting shot off. 

Fit to Kill does connect with the characters of Hard Ticket to Hawaii, making it an entry in what I’m now going to call the HTTHV (Hard Ticket to Hawaii-Verse), but we don’t spend enough time with those charismatic goofballs and instead are mostly stuck with a cast full of duds. 

I mean, just look at them.

As with any entry in the HTTHV, Fit to Kill does have some moments of being awesomely bad and weird. There’s an extended James Bond homage/fantasy, a silly-ass motorcycle chase, and, what softcore porno/action movie would be complete without… stock footage from WWII! The only thing sexier than that is when a person drinks water straight from the faucet, which, according to this movie, is the universal signal to have sex. 

Fit to Kill does not even compare to the awesomeness of Hard Ticket to Hawaii. The characters are flatter, the action is worse, there’s a general lack of the memorable weirdness like inflatable sex doll assassins, death frisbees, and genetically-enhanced animals terrorizing everyone. There are some weird and funny parts there and there, which was more than enough for me and my group of friends to laugh at, so it’s not a complete wash, but Fit to Kill definitely requires group viewings so you can howl at the ridiculousness and talk over the rest.

Time until action starts: ~ 4 minutes

Baddies: It doesn’t matter at all.

Best Line: For me, it’s a tie between: “I cannot go straight without a little bit of cooperation,” and “I will board you so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

Best Kill: A badguy, nicknamed by me and my friends as Nipple Guy, appears onscreen just in time to get a throwing star to the trachea. Deep in there. That guy’s singing career is as dead as he is. 

Best Explosion: Two guys rig an RC car with a bomb. They go out on the beach and set up a tent just a little ways away from the people they are trying to blow up. They get the RC car going and it gets about halfway to the target when something malfunctions. The car goes crazy and turns around and heads for the two guys trying to control it. They look at each other and one of them says, “Now it’s time to panic.” They scream like four year old girls and wait in the tent while the car with a bomb strapped to it heads right for them. So instead of getting out of the tent like a normal person would do, they just sit there and watch the car roll right in. It explodes and shoots the tent straight up in the air. The two doofuses appear scorched half-naked from the explosion but unharmed otherwise. 

Action Rating: ½ guy in underwear getting exploded out of a tent by an RC car bomb, out of 5.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!