The Three Musketeers (2011)

I’ve got one thing to say about The Three Musketeers: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Three Musketeers is about four musketeers, Athos (Matthew Macfayden), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), Aramis (Luke Evans), and newbie D’Artagnon (Logan Lerman) on a mission to “save France.” Really, their mission is to get the Queen of France’s diamonds back from the baddies who stole them, Milady (Milla Jovovich) and Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). If the Musketeers fail, then the King will think the Queen is having an affair, execute her, and chaos would ensue.

Let me get the following out of the way: this is not a good movie. A good movie will provoke some kind of emotional response from the audience. The Three Musketeers didn’t provoke anything. I felt numb watching it because it was neither exciting, nor sad, nor funny, nor interesting, nor…anything!

There were three different villains, four if you count Jovovich’s character who was teaming up with a different person every time the wind changed directions. She switched sides so often that you don’t know how to feel about her. Should we cheer her on? Should we want her to die? No one knows! She didn’t care about anyone, so why should we care about her?

There was a decent amount of action, but it wasn’t enough to make me forget about everything else wrong with the movie. I didn’t care about any of the characters, the villains were terrible, and the ending was stupid. So stupid, that I must tell you about it in great detail.

Spoiler: Only one baddie got what he deserved and the rest are gearing up for a sequel. The Musketeers went out of their way to SAVE one of the baddies for the good of the people. And it’s not like they had a good reason to do it, they just seem to save him on a whim. What the hell!?! He was the bad guy behind everything and they covered for him. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Action: 2 ½ musketeers, out of 5.

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About Action Flick Chick

Action Flick Chick Katrina Hill, author of the books Action Movie Freak and 100 Greatest Graphic Novels , learned to appreciate all things action at a young age by sneaking into the room while her two older brothers watched action movies and horror. At ActionFlickChick.com, she shares her love of these films with everyone, along with interviews, news, and whatever else she happens to choose. G4TV crowned her their Next Woman of the Web champion, and she co-hosted MTV Geek’s live Comic-Con coverage. Her articles have appeared at sites including MTV.com, io9.com, Arcade Sushi, and Newsarama. Follow her as @ActionChick on Twitter. Base of operations: Dallas, Texas. Favorite Movie: Tremors (1990).
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2 Responses to The Three Musketeers (2011)

  1. Gerald says:

    I was going to see this, I read the book when I was in 7th grade (I know, I know) but I checked it out of the school library and the rest is history … So i have always had a fondness for this story but having read your booooooooo, lol, I don’t know that I am going to see it …

  2. Ami-Jane says:

    Gerald, ignore the review. Go watch it while you can! I watched it, 3D an all, and trust me when I say that its better than the reviews say. Go watch it and see for yourself, if you don’t like then it doesn’t matter, at least you got to see for yourself what it was really like.
    Regards
    Ami

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