RoboCop (1987) – He’s a Real Boy

I’m so excited! And it’s all because of the game Nukem: “Another quality home game. Get them before they get you!” Isn’t that the most awesome game? You can practice dropping nuclear bombs on other countries if they don’t do just what you want them to do. Bombs away! Now, this is a made up game from Robocop even though it may seem real with the way society is. Robocop has a lot of news segments about how much crime there is in the world and the other bad happenings going on. Then they topped it all off with the Nukem commercial. It seems like people viewed the future world bleakly in the ’80s before 24/7, Internet, and face to face conference calling. I’m glad a lot has changed since then.

RoboCop is here to serve and protect you. When there’s no more hope, just hope a little more and maybe RoboCop will be there save your ass. A police officer, Alex Murphy (Peter Welker), gets killed while he’s busting a gang for robbery. All the while Murphy is getting bullet holes installed into his body, his partner Anne Lewis (Nancy Allen) is taking a nap. Just kidding, but she isn’t there in time to save Murphy. So, they take the most logical next step: they turn him into a cyborg. Lewis tries to convince RoboCop that “he’s a real boy” through the rest of the movie.

There are a lot of slow points and talking, but RoboCop does mess some people up as well. It gets pretty just brutal, enough to keep me from completely snoozing, but it’s more of a commentary on American society in the 80’s than it is an action movie.

Time until initial action starts: ~ 5 minutes

Time until real action starts: ~ 16 minutes

Big Bad Baddies: OCP Senior Vice President Dick Jones and his minions

Best Line: “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.” I think Murphy means business.

Best Kill: A bad guy gets covered with a toxic chemical. It is so toxic that he starts to…melt. His skin turns mushy and droopy. He is trying to find some neighborly soul to help him when finally his fellow baddies come to his rescue. One of the other baddies is driving a car and runs right into the melting guy. The guy liquefies and splatters all over the windshield. The other baddie just turns his windshield wipers on and keeps going. Now that is a real friend.

Best Explosion: A baddie is spewing gas all over a gas station while Robocop is after him. A cigarette gets thrown onto the fuel and explodes the whole station and all the pumps, and then some.

Action Rating: 2 Robocops with childbearing hips, out of 5

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters.