Review: Red 2 (2013)

Let’s cut the crap and get to it.

Red 2 is not a good movie. For starters, there’s a whole lot of focus on Frank (Bruce Willis) and Sarah’s (Mary-Louise Parker) relationship… too much focus. There are a few cute, funny moments to come out of their sitcom-style relationship woes, but not enough to warrant so much time being spent on them. Red was about “old” people kicking younger, snarky people’s ass just to show they still have it- and that’s awesome. But Red 2 tries to be an action-rom-com, and by spreading its focus it screws up in all areas. And while Sarah was a fun, fairly relatable character in the first film, here she’s treated like a child by the other characters. The way everyone (Frank in particular) treats her makes you want to reach through the movie screen and start punching everyone in the gonads. Frank treats her like she’s a helpless two year old who can’t play by herself for more than a few minutes at a time for fear of her choking on her toys. A large part of the film is Frank saying some variation of “poor little Sarah needs protection,” and “don’t give the innocent kitten a gun” despite Sarah demanding a gun and trying to help the gang in whatever way she can. Frank having some general concern for his non-spy girlfriend is to be expected, but as written it’s tiresome and insulting. And just because she ends the flick in a cool situation doesn’t make up for the huge chunk of time we spend watching her screw up/get told not to screw up. Boooo! Write better female characters! Not even the awesomeness that is Dame Helen Mirren can make up for this boring and unfunny storyline.

And if you were counting on the action to save this film, count again. Sometimes, if a movie’s bad, the action can at least keep you pumped despite the poo poo plot. Red 2 has no such thing going for it. There are a couple of scenes, mostly involving Byung-hun Lee, that are great, like a battle in a convenience store where a handcuffed Lee dishes out a heaping helping of cream filled whoop-ass, or the end action sequence, which had a great flow to it but seemed over all too soon. Outside of these two scenes, though, Red 2 keeps things PG-13 with a lot of quick cuts and implied action, depriving the audience of seeing Willis, Malcovich, and Mirren kick ass.

Red 2 had some moments of capturing that blend of action and humor that made the first film such a hit, but these moments are few, far between, and don’t stick with you. Combine that with a jumbled, mess of a story and you end up with a film that I’d only recommend to someone I don’t like.

Action Rating: 1.5 , out of 5!

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!