Just when I thought I’d have something to complain about with The Walking Dead, Rick goes and saves the day. In this week’s episode, “Sick”, he did exactly what I was screaming at the TV for him to do, to my surprise and delight. Also: holy crap, Walking Dead Season 3 is playing for keeps! Everyone put on their big boy hard-ass pants (even Carl and Lori) to make these first two episodes of the season fantastic. “Sick” brought in several new characters, and then promptly took them away.

Before we get into the recap, let’s check in with Dale.

Action Chick, you ever work one of these dang universal remotes? I keep clicking the thing and it won’t change the channel. Sure, it’ll turn my lights off, move my blinds up and down, and even flush my toilet, but it sure as heckfire won’t work with my little T.V. I guess I’m stuck watching these Mexican soap operas. I don’t speak a blessed word of Spanish, but I’ll be danged if Los Domingos Peligrosa isn’t the most addictive show I’ve ever seen.

Thanks, Dale! Onward, to the recap!

Beware spoilers below!

Here’s what happens:

Hershel, passed out after Rick oh-so-brutally hatcheted his zombie-bitten leg off, gets carted out on a cafeteria tray by our group of zombie fighting badasses, and the group of newly-discovered prisoners follows close behind.

These prisoners have survived ten months locked up in the prison cafeteria, and don’t know jack about the outside world, so Rick tells them what’s what. The prison belongs to his group, not theirs, and they should leave. The prisoners don’t like this idea, and don’t take Rick’s group seriously, seeing them as soft civilians, not hardened by the prison system like they’ve been. Oh boys, if only you knew how cutthroat it was out there, you wouldn’t scoff at Rick and his group of merry mofos.

While Rick decides what to do about the prisoners, Lori does her usual Gollum routine, slinking around on Rick’s shoulder and giving him mixed signals. Do what you have to do to keep the group safe. You’re no killer, keep your conscience clear.  All aboard Mixed signal train!! Woo woo.

Ultimately, Rick decides that the prisoners can live in a separate cell block, with the caveat that, should he see them on his turf, he’ll kill them. BAM. Someone brought an extra pair of balls today! In exchange for a hefty chunk of the cafeteria food, Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog go with the inmates to clear out a cell block. Despite Rick’s warnings about fighting as a group, the prisoners go at the walkers like, well, rioting prisoners, and one of their own is injured: the giant, huggable Big Tiny. Before they can find out whether Tiny’s been bitten, or merely injured, the prisoners’ ring leader hacks into him without mercy.

Carl finds the infirmary and cleans out the medical supplies, leading Lori to gripe at him for going it alone, and Carl to retort by telling her to get off his back, he did what needed done and killed two walkers on his own. Looks like Carl’s earned his big boy pants, too.

With Hershel under the weather and missing a leg, Carol realizes it’s up to her to deliver Lori’s baby and decides she needs to practice c-sections on the walkers first, so that, when the time comes for Lori to have her baby, she’ll have some practice. While Carol wrestles with her yucky practice surgery, an unseen voyeur watches her from the woods. Inside, Maggie gives Hershel a tearful goodbye, and he dies… for just a second, then Lori revives him with some CPR.

Back in the prison, Rick, Daryl, T-Dog and the remaining prisoners work on clearing out the rest of the zombies from the cell block. Ring leader doesn’t listen to Rick and opens double doors, letting in a huge horde of zombies. During the chaos of the attack he pushes a zombie on top of Rick, which would have gotten him bitten were it not for Daryl’s rescue. So, now we’ve established that the ring leader is defiant, cold-hearted, and willing to do what it takes to stay in charge. This guy sounds like a real problem… if only Rick would man up and take him down now so he wouldn’t come back to bite everyone in the ass later. Oh wait, that’s exactly what Rick did! As soon as the fight’s over, Rick machetes the ring leader in the head, and chases down one of ring leader’s fleeing flunkies like a man possessed, leaving him to die by zombie after he zigs when he should have zagged. Rick and co. give the two remaining prisoners a cell block of their own, telling them to take it or get the hell out.

Rick talks to Lori and says he’s grateful for everything she did to save Hershel. She reaches out to him, and he gives her a platonic pat on the shoulder and leaves without saying a word. YOWCH! Freezer burn!

Likes:

• Daryl being the badass that he always is.
• Rick taking a machete to Evil (and obnoxious) Ring Leader’s head.
• Rick casting off the soft moral shell and putting on the hard “I don’t give a f***, mess with me and I’ll kill you” shell!
• Lots of zombies and action

Dislikes:

• No Andrea or Michonne.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!