This past weekend, Johnny Depp’s latest blunder of a film, Mortdecai, premiered in ninth place at the box office. Ninth. George Lucas’ Strange Magic beat it out, and that flick’s a friggin’ bomb.
It’s no surprise that Mortdecai sank like a bag of rocks; upon seeing the trailer for it, my first response was “What the hell was that? Who is this movie even for?” Now, I haven’t seen it (and apparently no one else has, either), but the trailer was profoundly unfunny, lacked any sort of interesting hook to reel people in, and the movie itself is rated R. With what seems to be a light-hearted action comedy like this, an R rating is an odd- no, make that stupid- choice. Mortdecai looks like someone wanted to make a new Mr. Magoo, but decided to throw the F word in there a bunch. Rarely have I reveled so much in the failure of a movie, mostly because it was a failure that was so glaringly predictable.
What the Lion’s Gate Film Executives schedule probably look like right now.
The fantastic flop that is Mortdecai is just another in a long line of flops from Mr. Depp. The success of the Pirates of the Caribbean films and Alice in Wonderland seemed to make Hollywood eager to throw Depp into 100 million+ productions when all he really seems interested in is playing the weirdest characters possible. And who can blame him! It’s not his fault many of these movies bombed— Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, Transcendence all have a common theme of sucking butt and costing way too much. When Johnny Depp plays it a little safer with outings like The Tourist, or when he’s a part of an ensemble in a modestly-budgeted flick like Into the Woods, the money seems to come in nicely. But if there’s one things Mortdecai has hopefully taught Hollywood, it’s that the fastest way to tank your expensive, non-pirate movie is to have it star Johnny Depp. Hollywood needs to do everyone a favor and let this beloved little weirdo stick to the low-budget fringe stuff he’s best at.
Less CGI Johnny Depp faces, more Ed Wood!
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