National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) |

Lots of people have that special film that they watch every year around the holiday season. For some it’s A Miracle on 34^th Street, It’s a Wonderful life, or Silent Night Deadly Night 2. I’m sure those are all fine but my favorite movie to watch around the holidays is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation! Why? Because it makes your family seem ever so slightly less dysfunctional. Because it helps you get through the long hours of spending all your time with your 20 family members crammed together in one place because even though you might annoy each other, Christmas Vacation makes you realize it could be sooo much worse, all the while making you laugh.

Christmas Vacation gives you all the components to the perfect dysfunctional family. You’ve got the old fashioned father, Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), who wants to have a traditional family Christmas no matter how inconvenient it is for everyone. You’ve got the mother, Beverly D’Angelo, who is willing to let Clark do his shenanigans while she just smiles and tries to be supportive all the while knowing it is a huge mistake. Sound like any of your families? Then, you’ve got the family members who show up unwillingly and then make everyone miserable by spreading too much information about their magical personal health issues, like “I’ve got hemorrhoids.”

There is even a little bit of action in Christmas Vacation. A Christmas tree gets incinerated, a cat spends all of his nine lives for one round of “see-how-the-Christmas-lights-taste.” This isn’t the usual pure feel good, sappy holiday movie. So pick this one up if you feel like you just can’t stand to make conversation with that crazy aunt with Alzheimer’s any longer about how she wrapped up her penis and gave it to her husband for Christmas last year. Yep, I said aunt. Don’t worry about the relatives this year, Christmas Vacation will make it all better. It’s not a miracle worker, but it can help.

Time Until Clark Gets Into the First Shenanigans: ~ 1 minute. He is just that good.

Best Line: “We are going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny f***ing Kaye and when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of a-holes on this side of the nuthouse.”

Worst Judgment Call: Clark makes a lot of bad judgment calls throughout the film. He gets up on the roof with strings of lights tied to his hands and feet which then ended up with him falling off the roof. I thought for sure that was a fool proof plan. Then he greases a saucer sled with a “non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant” and ends up crashing into a Wal-Mart parking lot several miles away. You know, there are better ways to dodge the traffic while finishing your last minute shopping. However, I think the worst judgment call would be inviting the whole family over for an old fashioned traditional family Christmas. That’s what started everything in the first place. Next year, just send a fruit basket and a card saying, “I’m glad you’re not here this year.” They’ll appreciate your honesty, and you’ll appreciate the extra room.

Best Randy Quaid: Randy Quaid plays the stupid cousin, Eddie, that everyone dreads to see, but he is completely oblivious to it. I love Eddie. My favorite embarrassing Eddie act would have to be when he is standing in his bathrobe, smoking a cigar, and drinking beer. Did I mention that this was bright and early in the morning and that he was standing outside in the middle of the street. Oh and did I also mention that he was emptying his septic tank on his RV into the public sewer: “Merry Christmas, the s***er was full!” That’s classy. Every person’s dream cousin!

Best Crazy Lady Action: Could it be when Aunt Bethany (Mae Questel) thinks the house is on fire but it’s just Christmas lights; or maybe when she wraps up her cat as a present to give to the Griswolds. I think my favorite crazy lady act would have to be when she says the Pledge of Allegiance as a prayer and then later sings the Star Spangled Banner at the site of a flying, flaming Santa in the air. Now that is a truly patriotic lady.

Action Rating: ½ flaming santa, out of 5.