“What do nurses and doctors really do to you when you’re in a coma? The shocking new expose!”
After watching Hard to Kill, this is an expose I want to happen. Based on what I’ve seen here, nurses like Nurse Andy (Kelly LaBrock) will do things like stick kittens in the face of coma patients like Mason Storm(Steven Seagal) and taking a look-see at his junk. I don’t care if you’re taking care of the most HARD TO KILL man, have some decency, woman!
Steven Seagal is Mason Storm who is… Hard to Kill. This cool cop catches a crooked politician collaborating with criminal scumbags. Said politician and scumbags retaliate by killing Storm and his wife. What? They kill Steven Seagal?!? Yeah, I was surprised when he dies so early in the movie… but wait, what’s this? He’s still alive! He’s just too hard to kill!
Seven years later, Mason Storm awakens and suffers no neurological, muscular, or psychological degeneration from being in a coma that long, so he immediately heads out for some sweet sweet revenge.
Of the many action movies I’ve seen, I think Hard to Kill is a definite contender for the Most Ridiculously Miraculous Recovery award. Storm gets shot at least three times with a shotgun at almost point-blank distance, and yet he’s fine when his poor poor wife kicks the bucket from far less abuse. Well, weirder things have happened.
Modern-day Steven Seagal is mostly known as a weird dude who sits down throughout his action movies, eats his gifts, and performs embarrassing displays of martial arts. It’s wild to think that the late ‘80s/early ‘90s were an era where this same guy could top the box-office charts. Watching Hard to Kill, though, I can see why. Seagal’s counter-oriented aikido skills brought something different to a genre over-saturated with dudes walloping on other dudes, and his quiet demeanor made for a satisfying buildup in action scenes as he spoke little, spoke softly, and then aikido-countered henchmen limbs into kindling.
Even outside of Seagal, Hard to Kill has so much of what we love about the peak theatrical action movie era. There’s outrageously abrupt scene to scene cuts, insane/out-of-place ‘90s music, ponytailed hooligans getting their butts kicked by a ponytailed dude, cupcakes flying in the air, and villains punching people for no reason whatsoever. If the whole film delivered on what the third act brings, I’d consider this a stone-cold classic. As-is, though, acts one and two are more about a dude getting comatized and recover from said comatization. Blah blah blah, talking talking talking, physical therapy, physical therapy, physical therapy.*Sigh* It’s hard being in love with the action- you just can’t get enough!
Time Until Initial Action: ~4 minutes
Baddies: Senator Trent and his corrupt police officers!
Best Line: “I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent…to the blood bank.”
Best Kill: The second biggest baddie, Axel (Charles Boswell), thinks he has big enough balls to stand up to Storm (Seagal) after he just took down his henchmen with a pool cue. Good thinking Axel! With on swift motion Storm shoves the broken end of the pool cue into Axel’s neck while saying, “That’s for my wife. Fuck you and die!”
Action Rating: 2 Villains Punching Cupcakes, out of 5
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
Article edited by Alex Langley @rocketllama
Related posts:
Pingback: Rocket Llama HQ - » Hard to Kill (1990)