Winter’s not coming— it’s already here, baby, and it’s ready to par-tay! As the weather outside grows more frightful by the day, be glad for what time you get to spend inside, where it’s nice and toasty. Not everyone’s as lucky as we are; some people are out there bravely freezing their butts off, which is why I’m honoring them with this marathon of five of the frostiest flicks ever made.

The Thing

Setting: An Antarctic research station

John Carpenter’s classic horror flick boasts three major draws. 1. Realistic, shockingly disgusting special effects used to propel this tale of humanity’s paranoia of itself. 2. Kurt Russell 3. Keith “Accelerate Your Life in the Motherhumpin’ Navy” David. As MacReady, Russell’s a no-holds-barred badass; he’d rather die and take his foe down with him than to see the enemy survive. Keith David’s hot-headed character, Childs, often butts heads with the equally obstinate MacReady, but eventually the two reach an uneasy alliance in the face of annihilation.

Chilly factor: 6/10- 2 Cold 4 School

Whiteout

Setting: The Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station

Whiteout may be a terrible film (and, judging by the reaction of pretty much every critic and audience member on the planet, it is), but one thing it does a decent job of is making everything look cold. As U.S. marshal Carrie Stetko, Kate Beckinsale looks colds as balls through pretty much all of the film— probably should have invested in an extra coat or two before traipsing off to an arctic research station, eh?

Chilly factor: 4/10- Pretty Flippin’ Cold

Frozen

Setting: A ski lift

No, not the Disney musical, this frozen is about three idiots who get themselves stuck on a ski lift due to aforementioned idiocy. Their options? Die of exposure, die of starvation, die from the injuries they’d receive if they jump out of the ski lift, or die from wolf attacks. True fun fact: of all the predators on planet Earth, wolves are among the least likely to kill humans. In the last hundred years there have been three recorded fatalities due to wolf attacks in the United States. Keep this in mind as we get into the next movie on this list.

Chilly factor: 9/10- Close the Door, You’re Letting the Heat Out!

The Grey

Setting: Alaska

If you saw the trailers to The Grey, you might’ve thought it to be Taken: the Wild Frontier, a film where Liam Neeson punches wolves and conquers the frozen wastelands. Don’t get me wrong- I’d watch the hell out of that movie, but what we got instead was a dark look at the inevitability of death and the ways in which we look back on our lives. This, too, features wolves attacking/killing people; in fact, there are tons of movies/TV shows which feature these sleek beasties slaughtering folks, and every time you see wolves killing people I want you to remember that you’re several thousand times more likely to be killed by a hippo than a wolf, geography notwithstanding.

Chilly factor: 10/10- As I Stare Into the Obsidian Eyes of Death, I Welcome His Embrace, for At Least It Offers a Reprieve From the Numbness I Now Feel

The Thing

Setting: A different Antarctic research station

What’s this? Another The Thing? Yep, that’s right, there’s more than one movie by that name. This The Thing is a prequel to the ’80s classic, touching on the same themes while using modern special effects and the awesomeness of Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Chronologically, The Thing (2011) comes first in the series, followed by The Thing (1982), and then The Thing (2002), a video game follow-up to the movie. This may be the only trilogy in known history where all three entries have the exact same name.

Chilly factor: 7/10- Hot Dang It’s Cold Up In Here!