Bitch Slap (2009)

Never has a title been as accurate as this one! Bitch Slap is filled with three bitches slapping, punching, and making out. Sounds exciting right? Well, I think surprising might be a more befitting way for me to describe it, as it definitely caught me off guard with how sexual and over-the-top it is.

Bitch Slap is a kind of homage to female exploitation films and a great one at that. Let me tell you, the filmmakers definitely had their tongues held firmly in their cheeks while making this. This film is chock full of cleavage, girls fighting each other, and then doing each other. And I don’t think a single pair of lovers were anything other than two ladies getting’ down and dirty- it was No Boys Allowed in this film! However, with so many women dressed scantily and having sex with each other, they surprisingly only had one pair of naked breasts in the film.

Julia Voth (Trixie), Erin Cummings (Hel), and America Olivo (Camero) definitely did a great job playing sexy, strong, independent women. They used their certain assets to get what they wanted and if that didn’t work, they just beat the crap out of/kill the people standing in their way. My kind of girls! On the other hand, the film went to a beyond ridiculous place for too long. I was a little tired of seeing one of the girls come “back from the dead” to fight one of the other girls. Ugh, it got old after a while.

So is this your kind of film? If you like lesbian porno, girl fights, and catty dialogue, this would be perfect for you. I watched it with a couple of other pals and had a great time; however, I’m not on the express train to watch it again. While there’s plenty for the fellas to ogle at, there’s not a whole lot for the straight gals to go gaga for. Plus, there’s only so much bitchy behavior I can take, and I’m maxed out after watching that film.

Beware Spoilers Below!

Time Until Action Starts: ~ 5 minutes

Baddies: Bitches!

Best Snappy Comeback: “Go to hell, Trixie!” Comeback: “Last one in is a rotten egg.” Voth says it with such an evil little smile.

Best Verbal Bitch Slap: With a gun stuck in the back of a dude’s throat, one of the girls says, “How about you slob my knob?” Oh snap!

Best Bitch Attack: Camero was sitting on top of Hel with her legs pinning Hel’s shoulders to the ground. Hel retaliated by biting Camero on the vagina. Ouch! She dug in deep!

Best Kill: Kinki (Minae Noji), a secondary character, finds herself at the business end of a shotgun. Before you know it her brains are splattered all over the camera. Make sure to bring a towel so you can wipe the grey matter off your face!

Action Rating: 3 ½ Bitch Slaps, out of 5.

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!