Mini Review: Gran Torino (2008)

Gran Torino is a horrible action movie and that’s why it is classified as a drama. As a drama, it’s pretty good.

Clint Eastwood is back and up to the same old terrifying everyone he comes into contact with and being intimidating routine. He is just hella good at that. He just has a presence like no other person, and he can deliver his lines in a way that make you want to pee your pants and run away. “Ever noticed how you come across somebody once in awhile you shouldn’t have f***ed with? That’s me.” And Go! Start the wet pants party.

Clint Eastwood directed, produced, and stared in Gran Torino. You know he is 79 years old. So he was around 77 or 78 when he did this flick. Shiitake! This guy is doing very well. The story was very interesting and very sad. I love old people and this movie made me sad to see Walt (Eastwood) all alone and forgotten by his family. Cough, cough. I mean, I love to see old people stuck at home by themselves (trying to recover from sounding like a pansy). Oldies suck! Juuuust kidding! Anyway, if you feel like you haven’t experienced enough of the harsh reality that is life, then watch Gran Torino. It will take through the harsh realities of life including death, racism, gangs, and rape. A platter full of fun! But it’s different, it’s about real topics, and it stars Clint Eastwood who repeatedly says, “Get off my lawn,” in such a menacing tone that the ants packed up their Queen and moved to the next yard.

Be advised, it’s really not an action movie.

Time Until Action: Ummmm, 22 minutes into the film there was one gun shot and a scuffle. That is the only thing I can count.

Best Line: “I used to stack f***s like you 5 feet high in Korea and use them for sandbags.” Geezzzz, Clint Eastwood! I believe it!

Action Rating: ½ a pickle for effort, out of 5

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!