Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977) Review: This Movie Can Eat My Ass

Have you often wondered what would happen if your bed became possessed by a demon and started eating people? Who hasn’t! For years I’ve spent many a sleepless night haunted by this unanswered question. That is until I saw Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. Previously, I’ve never been able to form a trusting relationship with my bed for fear that it will suddenly try to eat me. And now I know it’s true! Beds do eat people! And I bet that the dryer myth is true too! Dryers do eat socks and I bet they have eaten a few people in their day too. Everyone beware the upcoming sequel! Death Dryer: The Dryer That Eats You and Your Socks!

So, what’s this movie about? It’s about a bed… that eats people. That’s it. That’s the whole plot. People find this weird room in the middle of nowhere and keep showing up to get eaten by Death Bed. People arrive, people die. Oh wait! There’s also a man stuck inside a painting who keeps all kinds of souvenirs from Death Bed’s victims, but he doesn’t do much other than be mopey.

Now, you might be wondering if this is a Troma/Killer Sofa-style joke. There was one point when I was sure it was, in fact, a weird dark comedy: when Death Bed got an upset “stomach” from eating so many people and fried chicken, and it decides to ingest a bottle of Pepto Bismol. Let me assure you, however, after watching commentary from director-producer-writer George Barry, I know that he was being very serious when he made this film. 

Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow!

Death Bed: the Bed that Eats (or, as Patton Oswalt referred to it one a famous bit of standup, Death Bed: the Bed that Eats People) is novel based on its title alone, but don’t let the wild-ass name fool you: this film is atrocious. It’s awful, bad, bad, bad, bad! The plot, acting, story, etc., are all nonsense, the sound is the worst kind of blown-out ‘70s-sounding audio, and the special effects are very un-special indeed. I had a lot of fun watching this with friends… but I will also never watch it again. You have to see this once, just so you know what it’s like to witness Death Bed: the Bed that Eats.

Time Until Death Bed Gets It’s Nom Nom On: ~ 9 minutes

Baddies: Death Bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best Line: “You’re nothing if you’re not grotesque, but hungry of course.”

Best Kill: A girl gets sucked into Death Bed. Somehow she manages to pull herself out of Death Bed’s grasp and crawls toward the door trying to escape. She crawls for nearly ten full minutes (we counted). Nothing but her crawling and whining for ten minutes! Right when she gets the door open, Death Bed reaches out with the sheet, grabs her and pulls her underneath the bed to eat her. At that point I was glad to see the girl die. Enough with the crawling and moaning already- why did we need to see her crawl for ten minutes!?! George Barry didn’t have enough story to film so he just padded this stupid movie out for as long as he could? This is definitely the movie’s Best Kill, and by Best Kill, I really meant Worst Kill.

Action Rating: ½ Death Beds gettin’ their Noms on, out of 5.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!