The Wolfman (2010): Speak, Wolfman, Speak

Manspeak! Whoo hooo, I love it! The Wolfman gave us another great example of the kind of manly conversations we saw in Pale Rider. Toward the beginning of the film, Lawrence’s (Benicio Del Toro) father (Anthony Hopkins) saves him from being captured and experimented on. After scaring off Lawrence’s would-be captors, dear old daddy looks at his son that he loves so much and says, “Lawrence,” and nods. Lawrence nods back at his father. That is Manspeak to a T so let me manslate what they’re saying: “Lawrence” actually means, “Son, I did this to prove that I really do care about you even though I was a distant and terribly demanding father. I’m glad you’ve returned to your ancestral home. I’m sorry for being a dick and I love you, son, but I would never admit that to anyone else because it wouldn’t be manly, so you just have to deal with it.” And Lawrence’s nod actually manslated to: “Thanks so much for saving me, daddy. I was beginning to think you were nothing but a huge jerk who was horribly distant and demanding to me as a child but now I see that you did those things out of love, maybe. Well, I still don’t forgive you but thanks for saving me this one time.” Manspeak, helping men talk about their feelings without having to talk about their feelings, since the dawn of time.

The plot of The Wolfman is very simple and has been done several times before. There’s a Wolfman on the loose terrorizing the little village and killing all who cross his path. The town’s inspectors are out to try and stop the creature before it kills… well, frickin’ everyone.

As far as remakes go, I would say that this one is a perfectly acceptable remake. The original was from 1941, so yes, I’m okay with it. Most modern moviegoers, like me, have probably never seen the original, not to mention that the modern special effects are just a little bit more potent than they were in the 1941 film. Also, from what I’ve read, the plots of the two movies are rather different.

The action was high quality; there just wasn’t a whole lot of it going on. When the Wolfman was on the loose, it was bloody with body parts flying all over the place; however, when there was no Wolfman, it was full of people talking about their daddy issues and how to stop the Wolfman on the next full moon. Le sigh.

The plot was fairly predictable with maybe one surprising plot point, which was mapped out in my spoiler article. Overall, I’m sort of in the middle on this one. It wasn’t awesome but it wasn’t bad either. If you want to see any of the new movies came out this weekend, I would definitely recommend seeing The Wolfman. Otherwise, maybe just rent this one.

Time Until Initial Action: ~ 1 ½ minutes

Time Until Real Action Starts: ~ 19 minutes

Baddies: The WOLFMAN!!!!

Best Kill: A guy who really deserved to be killed finally got his comeuppance. The Wolfman grabs him and chucks him out a window, impaling him on the gothic iron fence down below.

Best Explosion: I don’t remember any explosions in this one, but there was a raging fire so that kept me decently warm.

Action Rating: 2 Werecows, out of 5.

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!