The Walking Dead 5-14: The Gloves Come Off


(As always, spoiler alert!)

Everything’s been all fun, flowers, and hand jobs in the last few episodes of The Walking Dead, but funtime’s over in “Spend.” Season five is almost over, so, naturally, The Walking Dead stops playing around, takes off the flowery handjob gloves, and starts being horrifying again.

Before we get into the recap, let’s check in with Dale.


Uh, hey.

 The Dale Face

Folks, we need to have a talk about the farting situation.
The Shane Face

What farting situation? You’re the only one ripping it in that dang RV!

The Dale Face

Exactly. You’re making me feel uncomfortable, and I’d like to ask that you let out the occasional squeaker, too.


You know what? I think I’m good. See ya’ll later.

Thanks, Dale. Now, onward, to the recap!

As you can probably tell based on him appearing in Dale’s Deeds, Noah bit the big one this time. Or, rather, the big one bit him, since Noah got to go out in one of the most spectacularly gory deaths the show’s ever featured, slowly being ripped apart by a pack of zombies right in front of a traumatized Glen.

It all started as a simple supply run for some kind of high-tech gizmo in a warehouse. Aiden, who was being a good lil puppy now that Glen bonked his nose with newspaper, panics when some walkers appear and keeps shooting a Swat-team zom in body armor, nicking the grenade on the front of his vest and blowing up a chunk of the warehouse. Aiden gets impaled from the force of the explosion, Tara gets a grievous head injury and is saved by Eugene, of all people, when he finally nuts up. Glen and Noah try to save the impaled Aiden, but they need Nicholas’ help and he wimps out hard. Glenn still tried his best, but can’t save Aiden, and the impaled Alexandrian goes out in a bad way, complete  with a minute-long shot of him getting his guts ripped out by walkers.

Nicky the Wimp continues his plan of panicking like an idiot during their escape, trapping himself, Glen, and Noah in a revolving door surrounded by zombies and thus bringing to life everyone’s worst nightmare about these things. Glen tries to get Nicky the Wimp to follow his plan of escape, but dude panics again and ditches them when things clear up a bit, causing the revolving doors to shift and Noah to get dragged away. Oh, Walking Dead, will you ever stop killing off characters right as I start to care about them? You’re starting to make it hard to care. Anway, Glen makes it out, cold-cocks Nicky the Wimp, and they join Eugene and an unconscious, bleeding Tara on a very tense ride back to Alexandria.


Meanwhile, Abraham’s been assigned construction, so he goes out to build a wall with some other Alexandrians. As you’d expect, zombies eventually attack, and Abraham seems almost relieved to have a physical foe to deal with instead of his trauma. With a quick “Mother dick” Abraham saves an injured construction worker, goes medieval on some zombie asses, and ends up put in charge of the construction site since he’s the only one who didn’t panic. Deanna’s not too pleased about having another of Rick’s Rebels in a position of power in Alexandria, and worries the natives are losing control of the city.


Remember that kid Carol gave the bone-chilling threat to last episode? Well, he inexplicably comes back to her wanting cookies. Once again, Carol’s scenes are probably the best ones in the episode, since this time we get to see her drop the Stepford act and be really gruff and terse towards the kid. Eventually, in their short time together, Sam lets a few things slip about his home life and the formerly abused housewife figures out that Sam’s pop, Pete the Porch Dick, is abusing his wife, Jessie, and probably Sam. She tells Rick that the only solution is to kill Pete the Porch Dick, showing that she’s still in full Zombie Apocalypse Justice mode, not in Law & Order mode.

Lastly, Preacher Gabriel approaches Deanna looking like Charles Manson and rambles about Satan to her, saying that Rick’s Rebels are bad people and don’t deserve to be in Alexandria. Maggie overhears, and probably starts warming up her Preacher Gabriel Face-Punching muscles, and Deanna thanks him for the information. Deanna doesn’t seem to entirely believe him, but she does looks concerned, and probably won’t be too happy when Glen and co. return next episode to reveal that her son, Aiden, died on a simple supply run.


  • Abraham going medieval on the walkers with a flail. Who keeps a flail at a construction site?!?
  • Glenn punching Nicky the Wimp in the face.


  • Making Pete abusive seems like too easy of a solution to what was a complex issue. Before, Rick was kind of the antagonist by giving Pete the ice-cold shoulder and not-so secretly harboring feelings of lust for Jessie. Now he’s in the right thanks to some clumsy efforts by the writers, and it’s just not as interesting.
  • And we’re back down to one black guy.


This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

Dale’s Deeds by Alex Langley

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