Action Flick Chick

Posted By Action Flick Chick on July 16, 2009

I thought I had a great idea when I decided to watch another Triple B Collection movie by Andy Sidaris. It turns out I was horribly wrong. Hard Ticket to Hawaii was so awesomely awful that I thought maybe Fit to Kill would follow in its steps, but I was wrong wrong wrong wrong. I don’t even remember the plot of Fit to Kill because I was bored out of my ass. It has something to do with a rare diamond, and everyone is trying to get their grubby hands on it by plotting, killing and stealing. What it boils down to is it is a softcore porn with some bullets and bombs. Now, looking at that description you think, “How could that be bad? That’s awesome.” Yeah, I was hoping so too, but it really just had to many jaws a flappin’ and not enough of them getting shot off or blown up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about the nudity. Fit to Kill was filled with boobs, 12.5 pairs to be exact. That’s 25 breasts for your viewing pleasure. I might be coming off as shallow but the boobage is the main point of the film. It was not meant to be a grandiose, intellectual flick.

Dona Speir (left) and Penthouse Pet of the Year Julie Strain (right)

As with other Andy Sidaris films, Fit to Kill did have some awesomely bad stuff. It was full of dialogue that makes you laugh because it…well just read Best Line. There are a lot more gems where those came from. Then there’s the real stock footage from WWII mixed in. Yep, in the middle of this action porn we get to look at some footage from WWII. Sexy and hilarious! Two great tastes combined. Speaking of sexy, we all know that drinking water straight from the faucet is the universal signal to have sex. I like how simple it is to hook up in this flick. You drink some water and then you do it. That’s just the way it goes and everyone has accepted it, and it is awesome.

Fit to Kill does not even compare to the awesomeness of Hard Ticket to Hawaii. It’s missing a key element: a kind of genetically enhanced animal to terrorize everyone while they’re fighting for the diamond. However, it did provide some funny and entertaining stuff for me and my group of friends. Don’t watch it alone. This is another film you should watch in a group so you can laugh together at the ridiculous parts and talk over the boring parts.

Time until action starts: ~ 4 minutes

Big Bad Baddies: It doesn’t matter at all.

Best Line: This is one of those movies with a lot of good lines that just don’t make sense or which sound worse than they are meant to…or maybe it’s just me who misinterprets the meaning. See for yourself: “I cannot go straight without a little bit of cooperation.” And then, “I will board you so fast it’ll make your head spin.” Tee hee, that’s what she said. Hey, I’m allowed to have a few juvenile moments every now and then.

Best Kill: A badguy, nicknamed by me and my friends as Nipple Guy, comes onscreen towards the end just to get axed. Someone throws a throwing star and sticks it right in his throat. It’s in there pretty deep too. There is no easing it out slowly so he’ll be all right – that bloke’s a dead man.

Best Explosion: Two guys rig a remote control car with a bomb. They go out on the beach and set up a tent just a little ways away from the people they are trying to blow up. They get the RC car going and it gets about halfway to the target when something malfunctions. The car goes crazy and turns around and heads for the two guys trying to control it. They look at each other and one of them says, “Now it’s time to panic.” They scream like four year old girls and wait in the tent while the car with a bomb strapped to it heads right for them. So instead of getting out of the tent like a normal person would do, they just sit there and watch the car roll right in. It explodes and shoots the tent straight up in the air, and it’s quite a big explosion. You’d think that a point blank bomb would have killed those guys but surprise! It didn’t. These guys appear half naked from the explosion but unharmed otherwise. It was the ridiculousness and the out of the blue-ness that makes it so awesome.

Action Rating: ½ guy in underwear getting exploded out of a tent by an RC car bomb, out of 5.

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

Categories: * all movie reviews *, 0.5 kabooms, R-rated, action, movie
Tags: action, Andy Sidaris, babes, bombs, boobs, breast, Bruce Penhall, Bullets Bombs and Babes, Dona Speir, Fit to Kill, Geoffrey Moore, Julie Strain, nude, Nudity, Penthouse, Penthouse Pet of the Year, R-rated, Roberta Vasquez, Sex Scene, softcore, softcore porn, spoiler, The Triple B Collection, The Triple B Collection: Fit to Kill, Triple B Collection, violence