Rambo III

Rambo III gives you all the action you desire and leaves you wanting nothing. In this flick we even get to see Richard Crenna kick some ass, not bad for an old guy. I have finally figured out, after three Rambo movies, why Richard Crenna is in all of them. He is Rambo’s hype man; Most of Crenna’s lines consist of things like “You don’t have to hunt Rambo, he’ll hunt you.” Or “I hope you brought a big enough supply…of body bags.” He’s the Rambo equivalent of Flavor Flav. This time, Rambo teams up with the Afghani people to fight Soviet Russia in order to save the colonel. Rambo teams up to fight alongside the very people that our American soldiers are fighting against today. One wonders why we don’t see this on T.V. often.

Stallone doesn’t waste any time with this movie. He starts off with Rambo engaging in a sort of boxing match called stick fighting. It only escalates from there. This movie has the highest kill count between the first three according to Wikipedia, totaling 78 kills by Rambo alone. That’s like three kills for a normal soldier. The total kill count equals 132, which is 132% increase from First Blood. Just when you think there are no new ways for Rambo to kill people, he comes back with a whole new can of whoop ass. This movie is equipped with new and interesting ways of killing people in order to keep you guessing and never bored. For the ladies out there, or for men who like to ‘go to the gym’ a lot, there is a metric ton of shirtless Rambo going on killing sprees. Stallone is well equipped with a tight, muscular body, so tune into this one. His shirtlessness increases his ass kickingness, as he amasses 45 kills with no shirt on.

Rambo III is even equipped with the kid sidekick shtick that was characteristic of the 80’s. The kid lets you see the softer side of Rambo so that he doesn’t seem like a pure monster. Don’t worry, it’s only for a split second and doesn’t get in the way of any action. That stupid kid gets booted to the curb and Rambo takes over the wheel. Rambo is, after all, a killing machine. Rambo III also contains another key characteristic of the 80’s- cheesy end credits music. In this case it’s “He ain’t heavy…he’s my brother.” Enough said. However, all of these characteristics go together to make a great action flick.

Amount of time before Rambo related action: ~ 4 minutes

Guys getting killed (Bad guys): Soviet Russia

Best Kill:

Rambo is fighting one on one with a much bigger guy. Right when it looks like Rambo is loosing the fight he manages to wrap a rope around the other guy’s neck. He pulls the pin of a grenade in the pocket of this guy and then karate kicks him into a hole. The poor soul could have never seen this coming: he first gets hung by the rope and then explodes from the grenade. NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!!

Best line:

After Rambo kicks some major Soviet ass, he gets on the radio to the main villain. The main villain says, “Who are you?” Rambo replies,
“Your worst nightmare!!”

Best Explosion:

It’s nearing the end of the movie, and Rambo and the main villain go head to head: Rambo in a tank and the villain in a helicopter in the most epic game of chicken, only in this game, the loser dies. Rambo rams the tank into the helicopter causing a massive explosion. To quote the late great Chris Tucker, You know he dead.

Rating: 5 exploding totalitarian dictators, out of 5.