Spoiler – The Box

Once again, I have not seen this movie but it sounds like the kind of movie I want to spoil for anyone willing to save themselves the price of admission. You have been warned, this is a spoiler, not a review. The Box, starring Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, and Frank Langella, is a thriller about a couple’s decision to accept a potentially deadly offer with a potentially amazing payoff. Who would offer such a thing? Aliens, that’s who. That’s right, Frank Langella is a dead dude that’s been brought back to life by frickin’ ALIENS! So it’s believed that the aliens are conducting an experiment to see whether or not they want to destroy us lowly, pathetic humans. And how do they do this? I’m glad you asked. The aliens bring in THE BOX. Dum dum dum! Diaz and Marsden are given the choice to push the button on the box and someone they don’t know will die, but they will get 1 million dollars. They push the button. They get the money, but it doesn’t end there. The way the aliens set up the box is that when someone pushes the button, the person who previously pushed the button dies. Next, Diaz and Marsden’s son gets kidnapped by the aliens and made deaf and blind (but he sure played a mean pinball). The aliens give them the option to live with a deaf/blind child, or Marsden can shoot Diaz and their son will go back to normal. At Diaz’s request, Marsden ends up shooting and killing Diaz. Uh oh, guess who had the balls to push the button. Diaz pushed the button and now she’s dead. So I guess that means the person who got the box after them pushed the button as well. EPIC FAIL for humanity! At least little Billy has his vision and hearing back, not to mention an epic college fund! Roll credits!

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!