Parade ’80s Action Movie Quiz

Parade Magazine '80s Action Movie Quiz which somebody decided should take as long as an '80s action movie.

Parade Magazine has an online ’80s Action Movie Quiz to test your knowledge of our favorite, fast, and frenzied action films from that golden age. Sounds fun, right? Forget it! Forget it, forget it, forget it. I took the 50-question quiz. It’s a good thing I was doing something else at the same time or I’d have been bored out of my brain. Loading time is slow and it gives you each question and then reveals each answer one at a time. One. At. A. Time.

Oh, I scored 100%. It’s not hard, and it doesn’t go into anything obscure. You’d better know what James Cameron was up to in the mid-’80s if you’re even thinking about taking this one. I’ll admit I had to guess once, but I could narrow the multiple choice down to 50-50 which made it an educated guess. I stuck with it and plodded my way through mainly out of sheer stubborness and because I wanted to show you my score, but guess what? I doesn’t give you a score! The quiz does not calculate your results. Sure, if I’d read all the instructions, I might have known that, but don’t they know what century they’re living in? There’s no reason why it couldn’t have tallied the score. It’s Parade Magazine. I assume they have more than two people working on their website.

Chart to explain score you have to tally yourself because Parade Magazine doesn't know how computers work.

So here’s the tally on what’s wrong with this quiz:

1. Slow. As I mentioned.

2. No score. Also mentioned.

3. A friend who also took it tells me that if you get a question wrong, the dumb thing lets you guess again as many times as it takes. No no no. This lets people delude themselves into thinking they passed.

4. One question asks what imdb.com says a certain movie’s body count was. That’s not a test of anybody’s movie knowledge. That’s a test of somebody’s ability to open a second browser window and look up the answer. I refused. I answered it anyway and got it right. I’m not even counting that as the one I guessed on because the wrong answers weren’t even close enough to mislead anybody who actually knows that movie.

5. Not enough Norris. Chuck Norris, that is.

There are other action movie trivia tests out there and I’ll check them out from time to time, but save yourself the trouble and skip this one.

Keep those guns a-blazing.