Ong-Bak (2003)
Posted By Action Flick Chick on November 26, 2009
It’s the time of year to give thanks to many things like having family, health, or being alive. Blah, blah, blah. That’s all nice and well, but one thing I am thankful for is FREAKIN’ TONY JAA!!!!!! He deals out wall to wall ass-spankings in Ong-bak, and today I give thanks that I am his friend, not his foe.
The plot of Ong-bak is that Tony Jaa (Ting) runs around and Muay Thai’s everyone’s asses back to where they came from. Oh, and there’s something to do with his village’s statue of Ong-bak got decapitated and someone stole its head, and Mr. Tony Jaa is the one and only guy skilled enough to find it and bring it back. One villager told him, “The fate of the whole village lies in your hands.” Geez! No pressure or anything. He should have added, “If you don’t find the missing Ong-bak head, we will just all die from dehydration, but hey bring me back a Big Mac. I love those things!”
You might be wondering what is so good about this here picture show they call Ong-bak. Don’t question me! But since I’m nice, I will tell you a few awesome things about this flick. For starters, as previously stated, Jaa is amazing. He is a highly skilled martial artist and performed all of his own stunts in Ong-bak without any assistance. These stunts are not just getting into fights and kicking butt. There is one scene where he is running from baddies and he jumps over cars, under cars, over tables, and my personal favorite, THROUGH A TINY BARBED WIRE HOOP! He is so amazing and so fast that they have to replay some of his moves in slow motion. Also, Ong-bak gets the award for shortest fight. The very first fight you see Ting engage in (Jaa), it’s not even a fight. The opponent comes at Ting, Ting moves his leg and BAM! Fight is over! That’s it. He didn’t even break a sweat…he barely even moved.
Another great thing about Ong-bak is a move that I have come to call The Ong-bak. Now, I know that all of the fighting moves have names of their own, but I don’t have the Muay Thai instruction manual so I’ve assigned my own names. The Ong-bak is when Jaa jumps in the air and comes down on his opponent with an elbow or knee so hard that it collapses them into a pile of pain and misery. This happens a lot! He Ong-bak’d someone so hard, the guy’s motorcycle helmet split in two.
Ong-bak is chock full of action. I love it. I want it. Somebody buy this movie for me because apparently I am stupid and don’t own it yet! So, after your Thanksgiving feast, pop in Ong-bak. It’s fun for the whole family! This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Tony Jaa. Thank you, Tony Jaa, for being an awesome kicker of asses!
Time until action: ~ 22 minute
Baddies: Komtuan, a wheel chair bound, weird mechanical voice-box havin’ crimelord.
Best Friendly Command: “And don’t jerk off all over the floor.”
Best Takedown: Ahhhh, there are just too many awesome takedowns. Jaa owned everyone in this movie. Anyway, in the end, Ting is fighting the Komtuan’s second in command, and they’re having quite the showdown. Trying to end the battle for good, Ting uses the baddie as a stepping stool. He runs up the baddie and comes back down with an Ong-Bak elbow so hard you see blood squirt out the top of the baddie’s head. Good grief, Charlie Brown, that’s one powerful Ong-bak.
Best Explosion: Ting and Humlae are chasing a baddie and his gang in tuk-tuks (similar to golf carts). Zaniness ensues when one tuk-tuk crashes. Another tuk-tuk slams into the first one knocking the first one up into the air doing flips. While the first tuk-tuk is spinning in the air, a tuk-tuk pile up happens underneath and then they all explode. BAM! Look who just got tuk-tuk down!
Action Rating: 5 Tony Jaas Saving the Earth using Muay Thai to Send a Meteor Ong-Bak to where it came from, out of 5
Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters
This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!
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shortened url = http://3.ly/Ong or http://3.ly/ongbak
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There’s something soothing about the sound of an elbow smacking into the top of some dude’s head.
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