My Name is Bruce (2008)

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish between what’s reality and what isn’t. Bruce Campbell, played by Bruce Campbell, and the citizens of Gold Lick struggle with this problem in My Name is Bruce! What a whole town thinks is real and is scared poopless over, Campbell thinks is just a birthday stunt from his agent. That’s really thoughtful of his agent. I wish I had an agent that would go around resurrecting various revenge seeking gods and then point them in my direction. You just don’t find good agents like that anymore. These birthday deity shenanigans turn out to be true! Gasp! It isn’t a trick at all and Campbell finds out the hard way.

So, a guy, Jeff (Taylor Sharpe), unknowingly releases Guan-di, a Chinese God of war, while hanging around in a cemetery. Why? Well, we all know the cemetery is the new mall, plenty of flowers to choose from and places to sit while hanging out and talking about how much you hate your parents. Anyway, so Jeff kidnaps Campbell to help save the country town of Gold Lick. Campbell, however, thinks that they are shooting a new movie and everyone is just staying in character to trick him.

My Name is Bruce is really a comedy instead of an action movie. It does have some action, but the intent is on the laughin’ rather than the butt-kickin’. Bruce Campbell is great. He doesn’t sugar coat anything or pretend to be a hero and that is what makes it so funny. When he finds out that Guan-di is real and not a guy in makeup, he takes off running the other way, leaving the citizens of Gold Lick to fend for themselves (and die). He stole a kid’s bike to get away, literally pushing the kid off of it. Then he hijacked an old lady’s car and throws her out onto the side of the road and throws her cat out the window a little farther down the road. I gotta say I love it. Admit it, we have all wanted to do those things, but it is just too socially unacceptable in real life. And that’s why you see adults paying other kids $10 if they push the kid first so that I…I mean any person that’s not me, can sweep in and take the bike.

My Name is Bruce is enjoyable, funny, and has some action. Any Campbell fans who haven’t already seen this might want to catch up, because there’s talk a sequel, My Name is Still Bruce.

Time until real action starts: ~ 5 minutes

Big Bad Baddies: Guan-di, an ancient Chinese God of war

Best Line: “No matter which way this goes, I want you to remember one thing: I’ll never forgive you for dragging me out here.”

Best Kill: Sign Painter (Ted Raimi) is the guy that takes care of the Welcome to Gold Lick sign with the population listed. With Guan-di on the loose, Sign Painter has had to keep lowering the population number. He is taking off a few more from the population when Guan-di shows up and slashes his throat. As blood is squirting everywhere, Sign Painter is able to crawl over to the sign and lower the number by one, one more time.

Best Explosion: Guan-di is lured into a mine by a card board cutout of Bruce Campbell. The mine is wired with tons of dynamite. The whole mine shaft explodes, throwing debris everywhere.

Action Rating: 1 Bruce Campbell with a fatal chin, out of 5

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!