Double Team (1997)

If you want a true action diamond in the rough you need to watch Double Team! It is action gold of the ‘so bad it’s awesome’ kind. Jean-Claude Van Damme teams up with DENNIS RODMAN to take down Mickey Rourke! Throw in a lot of explosions, Rodman with ridiculous clothing and constantly changing hair, and a random-ass tiger and you’ve been Double Teamed! This film won three Razzie awards for Worst Supporting Actor (Rodman), Worst New Star (also Rodman) and Worst Screen Couple (Rodman and Van Damme). That’s how awesome this movie is!

Jack Quinn (Van Damme) is just about to retire from being a counter-terrorist agent but he has to go out on one last mission. He misses his target Stavros (Mickey Rourke) and is presumed dead after they fight and Stavros escapes. But guess what!?! Quinn isn’t dead after all, he’s just been taken away to a secret rehabilitation facility. He breaks out after finding out that Stavros kidnapped his pregnant wife. Quinn gets help from Yaz (Dennis Rodman), a weapons dealer, to get his wife and unborn child back.

Other than a brief period of dullness right after the opening action sequence, Double Team is action packed. Van Damme and Rodman make up the oddest pair of “partners,” but somehow, it worked. The action was ridiculously implausible but loads of fun. Van Damme is the master of walking away from explosions he’s right next to without a scratch on him. See Best Explosion for more details. I highly, highly recommend Double Team. It’s filled with crazy unrealistic action sequences, such as surviving a massive explosion by hiding behind a Coke machine. The sweet cola flavor will save us all!

Time Until the Action Starts: ~ 2 minutes

Baddies: Starvos

Cheesiest Basketball Reference by Rodman: “Now that’s what I call hang time.”

Best Comeback: Yaz: The last guy that made fun of my hair is still trying to pull his head outta his ass. Jack Quinn: I don’t want to know about your sex life. Oh snap! That just happened, Rodman. Deal with it!

Best Explosion: Quinn thinks he just found his own baby but when he looks closely he notices that it’s a doll with bombs strapped to it. He jumps out of the window right when it explodes. The whole house detonates, propelling Quinn so that he lands perfectly on a floatie in the pool. Then a truck next to the pool blows up and a grenade is dropped into the pool, further exploding water everywhere. It’s a string of explosions! It shows Quinn in the bushes far away staring at all the pyrotechnics even though seconds earlier he was in the pool when the grenade fell in. Like I said, Van Damme is the master of avoiding explosions!

Action Rating: 4 Rodmans of A Different Color, out of 5.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!