Death Race (2008)

Holy Crap! Jason Statham is in excellent shape. Anyone who appreciates a finely tuned body, boys and girls alike, should see Statham in Death Race. The movie is exactly what the title sounds like- it’s about prisoners who race cars, with no rules, no hold-barred racing, and the races generally end up with people dying. The drivers have guns on their cars, oil, and smoke to use as weapons. These guys are pretty much blasting each other to bits with every weapon imaginable short of chucking blue shells at the guy in first place. There are also death traps all over the course, you know, just in case it wasn’t bloody enough. The drivers better all make sure to do their stretches before they race…so they can bend over and kiss their own asses goodbye because dying is just about inevitable.

Death Race is actually kind of a serious movie. Statham plays a race car driver who is a hard working citizen trying to make ends meet, and then he is framed for his wife’s murder. So this guy, who was really happy, gets his life-long mate taken away, gets thrown in jail even though he didn’t do it, and then gets bullied into doing the death race with a new codename of ‘Frankenstein’ by the wicked witch warden. Spoiler alert: Then it turns out, the wicked witch warden set up the whole wife killing thing just so she could get Statham thrown in jail, so she could bully him into doing the race just to keep her ratings up. That makes me very angry. There are very few movies that provoke anger from me but this is one of them. I just wanted to punch that stupid ho in her face. Drop some righteous justice on that wicked witch. What is it you ask? A BIG FAT KNUCKLE SANDWICH. A problem I had with the flick is that she just won too many times; however, I knew she would eventually get her comeuppance but it just wouldn’t come fast enough. In the end all is set right, though. I just had to be patient. One good thing that kept me going is that Statham does some hardcore kicking of some prisoner ass.

There are four races total in Death Race. They are all quite lengthy and are packed full of action. A LOT of people die in A LOT of different ways. There is hardly a dull moment. There are fights intertwined between races just to remind you how awesome Statham’s character is (and Statham himself). Overall, Death Race is packed with action, hotties, and decently emotionally provoking storyline.

On a side note: I want to find this female prison that is in this movie because they are all hot and they are all wearing clothing that accentuates their body. I’m taking a field trip to that prison. I guess they can’t have their lead actress in a fugly jumpsuit. I’ve checked google maps and the Prison for Hot Inmates with Nice Clothes and All of their Teeth just isn’t on there.

Time until the action starts: ~ 1 minute

Big bad baddies: Prison wardens

Best Line: “You f*** with me and we’ll see who sh**s on the sidewalk!”

Best Kill: Some random prisoner who is driving in the race crashes hard core. He climbs out of his car and is screaming “You can’t kill me” when another car…no, tank, comes around the corner. The gun on the tank clips his head, making it explode from the all the force.

Best Explosion: The evil wicked witch warden has a bomb planted underneath Ames (Statham) car. They find it, of course, and send it back to her as a present from an admirer. When she opens it, Ames’ crew activates the bomb. She just sees the light turn green then BOOOM. She and her accomplice blow the crap up. It blows up the whole room and then some. She ain’t comin’ back from that.

Rating: 4 1/2 Frankenstein-mobiles, out of 5