Conan the Barbarian (2011)

I know there are a lot of die hard original Conan fans out there, but I am not one of them. I love watching Arnold Schwarzenegger in an action film just as much as the next person, but I wouldn’t classify Conan the Barbarian (1982) as a true ACTION film. I have no nostalgia connected to the original since I watched it a couple of years ago as an adult, so this is one remake I whole-heartedly approve of!

Jason Momoa is Conan in the new Conan the Barbarian, and let me start off by saying that this film is an actual ACTION film. And it deviates from the original quite a bit. It’s definitely not one of those remakes that are the same scene for scene just with better special effects. Conan is trained by his father (Ron Perlman) to be a fighter at a young age. When his father is killed by a group of warriors led by Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang), who is in search of a missing piece to a mask that will give him the power to bring his wife back from the dead, Conan seeks revenge.

Man, the action in this film is non-stop and great! I bet the dialogue takes up about 10 pages total for the whole film. This formula fits it best: Fight, 2 minutes of talking, then a fight breaks out again, repeat. There’s a lot of down and dirty, hand to hand combat since this is set in the time where there are no guns, and it’s a lot of fun to watch. Watching Conan the Barbarian was more fun than I’ve had with a movie in while.

I did see that there were some complaints that the characters’ complexities were skipped over for gore and battle, and to this I say, “Hell, yeah!!!” It’s Conan, he’s a barbarian! I’m not looking for a complex character to contemplate the meaning of life. I’m looking for a shirtless guy to slay things, and slaying he does! Quit trying to ruin my action movies by saying there wasn’t enough plot and character growth. You’re RUINING IT! Go watch a drama and stay away from my ACTION movies!!

Here is what you should expect from Conan the Barbarian: A hella fun time, lots of blood and gore, essentially non-stop action, and Jason Momoa with his shirt off the whole time!!!

Time Until Action Starts: ~ Instantly!

Baddies: Khalar Zym

Best Kill: Young Conan is running through the woods racing fellow peers back to the village. Four enemy warriors capture Conan and are about to kill him when he goes all “Conan” on their asses. He uses their own weapons to maim them by stabbing them in the feet and legs. He then finishes them off by decapitating them and bringing the four heads back to the village. The look on his father’s face (Perlman) is priceless!

Best Explosion: There was only one but it was pretty good. Conan throws a torch onto multiple barrels of gas and kablooey! Big fire!

Action Rating: 5 Ron Perlman Faces, out of 5.

Illustration by Alex Langley. Rocket Llama World Headquarters.

This is the Action Flick Chick, and you’ve just been kicked in the ass!

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About Action Flick Chick

Action Flick Chick Katrina Hill, author of the books Action Movie Freak and 100 Greatest Graphic Novels , learned to appreciate all things action at a young age by sneaking into the room while her two older brothers watched action movies and horror. At ActionFlickChick.com, she shares her love of these films with everyone, along with interviews, news, and whatever else she happens to choose. G4TV crowned her their Next Woman of the Web champion, and she co-hosted MTV Geek’s live Comic-Con coverage. Her articles have appeared at sites including MTV.com, io9.com, Arcade Sushi, and Newsarama. Follow her as @ActionChick on Twitter. Base of operations: Dallas, Texas. Favorite Movie: Tremors (1990).
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7 Responses to Conan the Barbarian (2011)

  1. Nakedhobo says:

    Sounds exactly what I expect from a movie with Conan in the title.

  2. RokDrummer says:

    I loved the original when it came out it was awesome then but does it stand up to today? probably not

    my real issue here is why do the origin story again? This isnt a reboot its just a remake and they do remakes because they cant come up with an original idea.

    Jason Momoa as Conan is I think a superb choice to play Conan and I believe he deserves better than just a rehash of the Conan Origin story and wwe as fans of the Conan stories and novels and movies deserve better too!

    Will I see it? Most assuredly (On Video On Demand not in the theater cuz they are ripping us off) Will I get the blu ray? probably not unless this version of the origin story completely blows me away

  3. Melissa C. Banczak says:

    I saw the original probably the day it came out and hated it. It was so boring I almost walked out numerous times. And I live solely for action flicks. Glad to hear the remake is good. I plan on catching it one morning this week.

  4. The original BORED ME OUT OF MY MIND. It’s one of only 2 movies I paid to see and just left early because the boredom was excruciating. You’ve raised my hopes a little for this new one, though.

  5. I too saw the original as an adult. In the theatre 😉 Anything for us guys to stare at besides a shirtless Jason Momoa? Thanks for the Sandahl Bergman memory 😉

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