Sex and the City (2008) – Worst Action Ever

I’m going to use code words for the characters and you guys can see if you can decipher which of them I’m talking about. The movie starts off with Foot Face walking down the street with a huge flower keeping her company on her shoulder. There was some kind of narration going on but I wasn’t listening, I was distracted by the fact that a foot was walking around the streets wearing clothes. Who knew?!?

I wouldn’t if I were you
I know what she can do
She’s deadly man, she could really rip your world apart
Mind over matter
Ooh the beauty is there but a beast is in her heart

Oh oh here she comes
Watch out boy she’ll chew you up
Oh oh here she comes
She’s a maneater

– Hall & Oats, “Maneater”

This is the true theme song for Sex and the City. Here we see four maneaters out stalking their prey trying to find the perfect one to pounce. I’m going to use code words for the characters and you guys can see if you can decipher which of them I’m talking about. The movie starts off with Foot Face walking down the street with a huge flower keeping her company on her shoulder. There was some kind of narration going on but I wasn’t listening, I was distracted by the fact that a foot was walking around the streets wearing clothes. Who knew?!? The maneating starts off pretty early in the movie with Foot Face looking for an apartment and keeps up pretty consistently throughout. You will not be disappointed. Really! Am I the only girl who doesn’t see men as worthless individuals and only good for one thing? Now, I understand that some people liked to watch the series for the dirty stuff, but the movie is lacking in that area. Sex and the City turned into just The City. Booooo. The movie actually focused on some plot instead of the usual sexploits.

Time until Maneating action: ~ 7 minutes

Best Maneating line: Foot Face is talking to her prey saying, “You’ll be my manfriend.” He replies, “Sounds like a dog.” Then she replies, “Hey, if the shoe fits…”

Best Hunting Sequence: After Foot Face gets dumped on her wedding day (whoops spoiler alert), she, Skeletor McGiraffe Neck, and Prudy McGee get into a limo and start off down the street. They notice the limo of the guy who just did the dumping. They all get out of the car and chase down the car of the man. Foot Face attacks first by opening the door and catching their prey off guard bombards him with flowers to the face. She goes crazy on him yelling and screaming and hitting him. Then she turns to hug Prudy McGee. The guy tries to go after her and Prudy McGee bows up like a mamma bear protecting her cubs and warns the guy to stop and leave them alone, which he does. I wouldn’t mess with that batch of grizzly bitches either.

Best Castration Sequence (yes, best- indicating that there are more than one): Skeletor McGiraffe Neck and her husband are finally doing the dirty dance after a long dry spell of about…oh, I’d say a billion years. Right before Skeletor McGiraffe Neck is about to visit the big firework show, the husband wants to switch positions. She so elegantly says, “Let’s just get it over with!” The air went out of his tires faster than a fly fart after McGiraffe Neck said that. It was like a couple about to spend some “quality time” together trying to turn on some grownup movies, but accidentally turning on “A Baby Story” right when the woman is giving birth. You wouldn’t be able to pump up the tires with all the air in the world after seeing something like that.

Rating: 0 Foot faces, out of 5 (Remember, this is based on the amount of action. Even though there is a lot a maneating, it is not enough to be considered action. However, we want to show the picture for the rating even though it gets a big fat zero.)